This time of year for Christians is a great time for reflection and a way to find a way to deepen their relationship with God. This year I have really taken this to heart and am trying to use it to find peace in my heart over George returning to heaven so soon and me being left here without him. I have also decided recently that I wanted to continue to teach my children about God and each night we now read a book I bought a while ago called Bible Prayers for Bedtime. It gives you a bible passage, the short story that goes with it, and a prayer is related to the idea behind the story. Initially the boys only listened to me as I would read but I decided even if they did not understand any of it that I was going to continue to read to them every night before they went to bed. Now they look forward to the readings and come running with the book the minute I say it is bedtime. Each boy also repeats after me when saying the prayer and have learned to do the sign of the cross and bless themselves and me as we say goodnight. The passage above was from tonights story/reading and it really touched me.
I'm really trying hard to work through the sadness that I feel over loosing George so soon. I know the pain will never go away and it really just shows how much he meant to me but I need to really try and find a better way to live without him in my life. I've been reading the book the Shack. If you have never read it, I suggest you take the time to do so. It really makes you think about life and faith and just your general perception on things and how limiting they can be. The one part that touched me a lot was when the gentleman gets in a conversation with the holy spirit about "good" and "bad" and how we determine as humans what that is. Something we may perceive as "bad" when someone else may not think it really is and how it really is all about perception. Without "good" there would be no such thing as bad and there would be no appreciation for the "good" things in life.
You would think that someone going to prison is a bad thing but when they find their way to God is it really bad? You would think that breaking your leg is bad but when miraculous the doctors find cancer you didn't know about that broken leg was life saving. My son died and that is considered unfathomable and bad to so many but he has changed the world so is it really bad? It really does come down to perception of things and how you want to look at them. I really live by the thinking of I cannot control what happens to me, I can only control how I respond to it all.
We have had so many obstacles thrown our way and today was no different when we woke up to find the roof in Richard's room leaking. I have been very tired lately with Gabrielle being fussy and just having a hard time sleeping as we get closer to Gabby being the age George was when he died. When I am tired, I am emotional so hearing about the roof just tipped the scale a little and I found myself in tears asking why us? We can't afford to fix it right now and I don't want to put money into a house we may loose in the long run.
All that being said, I have been working hard this lent season to try and keep things in perspective. A month from now that leaky roof won't make a difference and years from now I will probably never remember that it happened. I will however remember the time that my mom spent with the kids here at our house today. I will remember the tears I shed today as I was laughing at Michael and Joshua's antics. Years from now I will still remember how proud I am of Richard for working so hard at trying to get through all that he has been through and being the strong young man that he is becoming each day. I will remember Gabrielle's beautiful smiles and coos when she sees her family and just how they tug at your heart and make fall in love with her all over again.
This may sound kind of odd but this lent I have decided I am not giving something up but rather working on myself as a person to be the person God has called me to be. Often times we get so wrapped up in trying to give something up and then never sticking to it, I decided I wanted to take a different approach to the whole thing. I have began reading the boys passages from the bible each night so they will be able to build their foundation for their faith. I'm working hard on listening to the callings I feel in my heart and not second guessing them or doubting myself. Most of all I am trying to learn to forgive myself and also be the best person I can be and not hold grudges any longer or wish I had something that others have. These are all things that become daily struggles but I want to be able to do God's work with an open heart and although I feel at times I am called to things that I cannot do, realize that I need to put all of my faith in him.
We are very blessed and I am so thankful for all we do have. I'm really working on keeping it all in perspective a little better. Both Hugh and I worry all the time about finances and all the other stuff that comes with our difficult lives. Whenever it all seems so difficult and we can't see a solution or know where things will come from I think of my grandmother. She was such a wise woman and she would always tell me "God Provides" That is so true in all aspects of my life and just when all seemed hopeless somehow something worked out or I was given some insight to understand why there were these trials. I don't know if I will understand why George died so early but I guess this is how I am going to strengthen my faith and put all of my trust in God and his greater plan.
I'm really trying hard to work through the sadness that I feel over loosing George so soon. I know the pain will never go away and it really just shows how much he meant to me but I need to really try and find a better way to live without him in my life. I've been reading the book the Shack. If you have never read it, I suggest you take the time to do so. It really makes you think about life and faith and just your general perception on things and how limiting they can be. The one part that touched me a lot was when the gentleman gets in a conversation with the holy spirit about "good" and "bad" and how we determine as humans what that is. Something we may perceive as "bad" when someone else may not think it really is and how it really is all about perception. Without "good" there would be no such thing as bad and there would be no appreciation for the "good" things in life.
You would think that someone going to prison is a bad thing but when they find their way to God is it really bad? You would think that breaking your leg is bad but when miraculous the doctors find cancer you didn't know about that broken leg was life saving. My son died and that is considered unfathomable and bad to so many but he has changed the world so is it really bad? It really does come down to perception of things and how you want to look at them. I really live by the thinking of I cannot control what happens to me, I can only control how I respond to it all.
We have had so many obstacles thrown our way and today was no different when we woke up to find the roof in Richard's room leaking. I have been very tired lately with Gabrielle being fussy and just having a hard time sleeping as we get closer to Gabby being the age George was when he died. When I am tired, I am emotional so hearing about the roof just tipped the scale a little and I found myself in tears asking why us? We can't afford to fix it right now and I don't want to put money into a house we may loose in the long run.
All that being said, I have been working hard this lent season to try and keep things in perspective. A month from now that leaky roof won't make a difference and years from now I will probably never remember that it happened. I will however remember the time that my mom spent with the kids here at our house today. I will remember the tears I shed today as I was laughing at Michael and Joshua's antics. Years from now I will still remember how proud I am of Richard for working so hard at trying to get through all that he has been through and being the strong young man that he is becoming each day. I will remember Gabrielle's beautiful smiles and coos when she sees her family and just how they tug at your heart and make fall in love with her all over again.
This may sound kind of odd but this lent I have decided I am not giving something up but rather working on myself as a person to be the person God has called me to be. Often times we get so wrapped up in trying to give something up and then never sticking to it, I decided I wanted to take a different approach to the whole thing. I have began reading the boys passages from the bible each night so they will be able to build their foundation for their faith. I'm working hard on listening to the callings I feel in my heart and not second guessing them or doubting myself. Most of all I am trying to learn to forgive myself and also be the best person I can be and not hold grudges any longer or wish I had something that others have. These are all things that become daily struggles but I want to be able to do God's work with an open heart and although I feel at times I am called to things that I cannot do, realize that I need to put all of my faith in him.
We are very blessed and I am so thankful for all we do have. I'm really working on keeping it all in perspective a little better. Both Hugh and I worry all the time about finances and all the other stuff that comes with our difficult lives. Whenever it all seems so difficult and we can't see a solution or know where things will come from I think of my grandmother. She was such a wise woman and she would always tell me "God Provides" That is so true in all aspects of my life and just when all seemed hopeless somehow something worked out or I was given some insight to understand why there were these trials. I don't know if I will understand why George died so early but I guess this is how I am going to strengthen my faith and put all of my trust in God and his greater plan.
