Do Babies Grow Up in Heaven?
by Unknown
Will I know my baby when we meet again?
Will he have grown up, not be the infant that died in my arms?
Will I recognize him, be able to find him among so many others?
Or will he be a stranger to me, not knowing who I am,
or me knowing him?
Do babies grow up in heaven?
He never got his first tooth, or said his first words.
No first shoes, no Santa, no first birthday cake.
Will my son still be a baby when we meet again?
Do babies grow up in heaven?
Who sings him precious lullabies?
Who holds him close and kisses him everyday?
Who tells him constantly that they love him?
Do babies grow up in heaven?
When we next meet, will he know me?
Will he want to know me?
Will he be my son who died at three months, or a man, fully grown?
Will I have the joy of being a mother to my son for all eternity?
Do babies grow up in heaven?
Will I be able to hold him, love him, sing lullabies to him?
Will I be able to hold his tiny hand, or will it be a man's hand?
Will I ever have the joy that only holding my son can bring?
I need to know! In heaven, is my baby still a baby?
Not Like You
by Sheri Hess
I am a mother, though not like you.
You cradle your sweet baby in your arms,
Mine are empty, but I hold him in my heart.
You brush her soft curly hair,
and tie pretty pink bows just right.
A lock of his hair is tucked neatly in a book
You pick daisies and tie them in a chain
to wear around her neck
I cut lilacs and arrange them in a vase to set at his grave.
You look forward to dreams and plans.
I hold on to memories.
I am a mother,
though not like you.
In Memory of Dakota Rain Hess
The Balm Of God's Love
by M.S.Lowndes
When we lose someone we love
The loss seems too great to bear
God sends us friends to comfort us
To show that He deeply cares
But in the dark hours of the night
When there’s nobody else around
When we feel the saddest and loneliest
It’s there God’s love can be found
It’s like a soothing, healing balm
To soothe our broken hearts
The healing oil poured over us
That flows into every part
We can rest secure in God’s love
And know He’s by our side
He holds us when we feel as though
A part of us has died
We can know that God will listen
When we just want to talk
And when we feel we need to cry
We can share it with the Lord
For He is always waiting there
Ready with arms open wide
As we pour out the hurt within
He pours His love inside
Our Father above loves us so much
And will never leave us alone
He will not forsake us in our need
To face this on our own
He comforts us and strengthens us
And rubs us with His balm
And as the dawn breaks through the night
We’ll awake in His loving arms.
Gone but Not Forgotten
by Kelsey Y. Sheppard
Gone but Not Forgotten
Dedicated To Codi
You were so full of life,
Always smiling and carefree,
Life loved you being a part of it,
And I loved you being a part of me.
You could make anyone laugh,
If they were having a bad day,
No matter how sad I was,
You could take the hurt away.
Nothing could every stop you,
Or even make you fall,
You were ready to take on the world,
Ready to do it all.
But God decided he needed you,
So from this world you left,
But you took a piece of all of us,
Our hearts are what you kept.
Your seat is now empty,
And it's hard not to see your face,
But please always know this,
No one will ever take your place.
You left without a warning,
Not even saying good-bye,
And I can't seem to stop,
Asking the question why?
Nothing will ever be the same,
The halls are empty without your laughter,
But I know you're in Heaven,
Watching over us and looking after.
I didn't see this coming,
It hit me by surprise,
And when you left this world,
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
No matter what they were going through,
And I know everyday for the rest of my life,
I'll be missing you.
My Mom is a Survivor
My mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying
when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night.
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.
But like the sands upon a beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom
who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others,
a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's open door,
I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with my death,
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her
knows it's her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that
Angel protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her,
or ease the burdens she bears.
So if you get a chance, call to her
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she feels,
my surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.
~K. D'Ormeaux
Just For Today
Just for today, I will try to live through the next 24 hours...not expecting to get over my child's death, but learning to live with it...one day at a time
Just for today, I'll remember my child's life, not his death, and bask in the comfort of the treasured days and moments we shared.
Just for today, I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how.
Just for today, I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child. For they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other.
Just for today, I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt. For deep in my heart, I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to save my child from death, I would have done it.
Just for today, I will honor my child's memory by doing something with another child, be it my own, or someone else's, because I know that would make my child proud.
Just for today, I will offer my hand in friendship to other bereaved parents, fo I DO know how they feel.
Just for today, I will smile...no matter how much I hurt on the inside...for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today, I will allow myself to be happy and enjoy myself, for I know I am not deserting my child by moving on.
Just for today, I will accept that I did NOT die when my child did. My life did go on and I am the ONLY one who can make that life worthwhile again.
~by V.Tushingham, taken from the Bereaved Parents of the USA Tampa Bay Newsletter, Sept 2001.
What Now?
What now, Little Angel?
It's been six months.
Your big brother misses you--
You're all he wants.
What now, Little Angel?
We ALL miss you so much.
We miss your smile,
We miss your touch.
What now, Little Angel?
What are we to do?
How can we make sense
Of life without you?
The good news, Little Angel,
Is that God carries us.
He renews us each day
To face what we must.
He gives us the strength
To live each minute,
And shows us that life
Is only real if He's in it.
So for now, Little Angel,
We'll do our best,
And one day we'll join you
In perfect Heavenly rest!
With love from Mommy
June 19, 2006
Missing you now for six long months...and loving you
for all of Eternity!
~Kristy Turner
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Another Week
It amazes me how many weeks have gone by since our angel earned his wings. In so many ways it seems like it was just yesterday and then again it feels as if it has been an eternity. Our lives have just been turned upside down and I still am struggling to figure out how to turn it over again. I know it is going to be in God's time and not mine but sometimes I just don't get it all.
Sometimes I just wish it was not all so hard and I feel like I have had my share of hard and unthinkable tradgedy in my life already. That overwhelming feeling of when will this all end and how much can I really handle can be so difficult to live with at times. It seems as if it is always pouring sometimes.Amidst all the rain that comes pouring, there are always those moments where it lets up or the sunshines through. Those are the moments that make it so you can keep going through the horrible storm you are walking through.
I have always wanted to make loosing George more then a tradgedy though. I've fumbled over and over again trying to think of what I want to do and how to go about doing it. The in service at the hospital is coming up soon and I am quite excited about it. I'm going to begin working on the presentation and gathering materials for the staff. Along with that we, as a family, have decided that we want help raise money to help out Comfort Zone Camp which has touched our lives in such a profound way. We are thinking of running a fundraising campaigne for a few weeks starting during Joshua's birthday and ending the day that our angel would have been a year old if he had been here.
I have already contacted the local news station and they want to know what and when we are doing this. We have decided to start collecting supplies that the camp always uses along with financial donations. I think I am going to call it Komfort for Kidz campaigne. Joshua wants a luau birthday so I think we are going to ask people to bring supplies for camp or donate money and we are going to call it "Luau for Love". I want to get some boxes for supplies and jars for monitary donations together and go to local companies and ask them to put them in their stores to take in collections and will list then on a fundraising web page. The item donations are going to be called "Supplies for Survivors" and the financial donations we will call "Funds for Families" and then on or near George's birthday we want to put together a brunch/auction and call it "Forever Family Fare" I think it will be an awsome way to celebrate his life and make the day he came into our lives such a momentous thing, even though he is not here, on so many levels.
Comfort Zone Camp really touched our family in a profound way and I want it to be available to other families and help them to continue their work. They touch so many lives at the worst point in the individuals life and they try to take down all the financial barriers for people to get the help they need. To just support one cause like SIDS or Mito is just not as great as one that will touch millions of lives. We cannot prevent death so this is going to be an ongoing need since death will never have a cure like so many disease will. 1 in 8 children will have lost a parent or sibbling by the age of 20. That does not include those who loose other relatives so that number is just staggering! Because the toll grief takes on a family, many children go for years if not a lifetime without the proper help and tools to help them through grief. We have watched it happen to our family first hand.
That of course does not mean that I am giving up my efforts for Mito advocacy by any means. I still have children here who fight this disease every day. Hugh and I are planning to walk in honor of our boys in September at Campbell's Field in Camden for the UMDF. Ok, I know I am not a huge fan of their group or how they run the organization at times. I have however come to realize that there are not many organizations out there that I agree with 100% anyway and they have always been willing to send me literature and any other information that I need to continue my quest to educate people. For that very reason alone, I feel the need to walk. Without the organization research would not me as far as it is now...yes it could be further due to some management issues but there is no one else out there supporting this disease. They have created great resources for doctors and anyone wanting to find out more information. We are looking for people who would be interested in walking with us or sponsoring us. Our team is called Mito Monkeys and here is our team page. http://www.energyforlifewalk.org/c.bkLPKbOULlK8E/b.6007487/siteapps/teampage/ShowPage.aspx?teamid=3764908
I know there is just a greater purpose for my life here otherwise I would be with my angel. In my heart I know this is what I am meant to be doing. Things will work out to make these ideas and things happen should they be meant to be. There has got to be a greater purpose to all of this pain and suffering. I can't cure the world but I can help those going through some of the worst experiences of their lives. It is only when we allow our problems to make us feel helpless have we allowed them to get the best of us, rather then rising to the occasion and becoming greater then the tradgedy. I want the sun to shine through the rain so that I can find the rainbow, the very promise that God will always be with us and not allow us to walk through life alone.
Sometimes I just wish it was not all so hard and I feel like I have had my share of hard and unthinkable tradgedy in my life already. That overwhelming feeling of when will this all end and how much can I really handle can be so difficult to live with at times. It seems as if it is always pouring sometimes.Amidst all the rain that comes pouring, there are always those moments where it lets up or the sunshines through. Those are the moments that make it so you can keep going through the horrible storm you are walking through.
I have always wanted to make loosing George more then a tradgedy though. I've fumbled over and over again trying to think of what I want to do and how to go about doing it. The in service at the hospital is coming up soon and I am quite excited about it. I'm going to begin working on the presentation and gathering materials for the staff. Along with that we, as a family, have decided that we want help raise money to help out Comfort Zone Camp which has touched our lives in such a profound way. We are thinking of running a fundraising campaigne for a few weeks starting during Joshua's birthday and ending the day that our angel would have been a year old if he had been here.
I have already contacted the local news station and they want to know what and when we are doing this. We have decided to start collecting supplies that the camp always uses along with financial donations. I think I am going to call it Komfort for Kidz campaigne. Joshua wants a luau birthday so I think we are going to ask people to bring supplies for camp or donate money and we are going to call it "Luau for Love". I want to get some boxes for supplies and jars for monitary donations together and go to local companies and ask them to put them in their stores to take in collections and will list then on a fundraising web page. The item donations are going to be called "Supplies for Survivors" and the financial donations we will call "Funds for Families" and then on or near George's birthday we want to put together a brunch/auction and call it "Forever Family Fare" I think it will be an awsome way to celebrate his life and make the day he came into our lives such a momentous thing, even though he is not here, on so many levels.
Comfort Zone Camp really touched our family in a profound way and I want it to be available to other families and help them to continue their work. They touch so many lives at the worst point in the individuals life and they try to take down all the financial barriers for people to get the help they need. To just support one cause like SIDS or Mito is just not as great as one that will touch millions of lives. We cannot prevent death so this is going to be an ongoing need since death will never have a cure like so many disease will. 1 in 8 children will have lost a parent or sibbling by the age of 20. That does not include those who loose other relatives so that number is just staggering! Because the toll grief takes on a family, many children go for years if not a lifetime without the proper help and tools to help them through grief. We have watched it happen to our family first hand.
That of course does not mean that I am giving up my efforts for Mito advocacy by any means. I still have children here who fight this disease every day. Hugh and I are planning to walk in honor of our boys in September at Campbell's Field in Camden for the UMDF. Ok, I know I am not a huge fan of their group or how they run the organization at times. I have however come to realize that there are not many organizations out there that I agree with 100% anyway and they have always been willing to send me literature and any other information that I need to continue my quest to educate people. For that very reason alone, I feel the need to walk. Without the organization research would not me as far as it is now...yes it could be further due to some management issues but there is no one else out there supporting this disease. They have created great resources for doctors and anyone wanting to find out more information. We are looking for people who would be interested in walking with us or sponsoring us. Our team is called Mito Monkeys and here is our team page. http://www.energyforlifewalk.org/c.bkLPKbOULlK8E/b.6007487/siteapps/teampage/ShowPage.aspx?teamid=3764908
I know there is just a greater purpose for my life here otherwise I would be with my angel. In my heart I know this is what I am meant to be doing. Things will work out to make these ideas and things happen should they be meant to be. There has got to be a greater purpose to all of this pain and suffering. I can't cure the world but I can help those going through some of the worst experiences of their lives. It is only when we allow our problems to make us feel helpless have we allowed them to get the best of us, rather then rising to the occasion and becoming greater then the tradgedy. I want the sun to shine through the rain so that I can find the rainbow, the very promise that God will always be with us and not allow us to walk through life alone.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I Miss You My Angel
My sweet baby boy, I miss you so much. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that doesn't seem impossible to make it through because the pain I hold in my heart is just so great. You are always in my mind and my heart. I don't know how they can say that it gets better with time because I find it to be the oppsite. Each day that goes by, I yearn to hold you more. I know that you are in the best place ever and it is selfish that I want you back but I do want you back more than anything. My arms are so empty without you in them. I miss your smile and laugh.
It hurts to watch your big brothers miss you. Tonight Michael wanted to send you a half eaten chicken nugget and put it in an envelope with a letter for you. We were out of the helium tank I had bought so he wanted to mail it to heaven. Joshua of course wanted to write his own letter, the big boy he is now, and although you could not read a thing, each scribble had meaning and was written with so much love! Richard is trying hard to find a way to get through his pain and he is having a tough time right now...please watch over him...he loves you so much and misses you too.
I try to get through the day and keep myself busy. Whenever I do that though, I feel like I am hit like a rock at the end of the day. I don't feel guilty for being happy and living but the pain just comes in and washes over me in a huge wave rather in the small trickles here and there throughout the day. It is so hard to live without you. I know God will see me through this but I don't know how to do this and still come out in one piece at the end. There are other mommies missing their angels too and I thank God that they are in my life because I know I am not alone and this is not abnormal. I would honestly think I was going crazy if I didn't know them. There is nothing that can ever prepare you for this sort of loss.
You meant the world to me and I miss everything about you. Life is not and will not ever be the same again. I know you are watching over us but I really wish you were here and I didn't have to know this life that I now live. Everything will just be forever incomplete until we are all together again. Sending you lots of hugs and kisses to you my sweet little monkey! I love you so much!
It hurts to watch your big brothers miss you. Tonight Michael wanted to send you a half eaten chicken nugget and put it in an envelope with a letter for you. We were out of the helium tank I had bought so he wanted to mail it to heaven. Joshua of course wanted to write his own letter, the big boy he is now, and although you could not read a thing, each scribble had meaning and was written with so much love! Richard is trying hard to find a way to get through his pain and he is having a tough time right now...please watch over him...he loves you so much and misses you too.
I try to get through the day and keep myself busy. Whenever I do that though, I feel like I am hit like a rock at the end of the day. I don't feel guilty for being happy and living but the pain just comes in and washes over me in a huge wave rather in the small trickles here and there throughout the day. It is so hard to live without you. I know God will see me through this but I don't know how to do this and still come out in one piece at the end. There are other mommies missing their angels too and I thank God that they are in my life because I know I am not alone and this is not abnormal. I would honestly think I was going crazy if I didn't know them. There is nothing that can ever prepare you for this sort of loss.
You meant the world to me and I miss everything about you. Life is not and will not ever be the same again. I know you are watching over us but I really wish you were here and I didn't have to know this life that I now live. Everything will just be forever incomplete until we are all together again. Sending you lots of hugs and kisses to you my sweet little monkey! I love you so much!
Prayer
Richard went back to school yesterday. He stayed home on Monday to be able to collect himself after such a long and exhausting weekend. Apparently he had a good day. He showed his shirt and photos from camp and told the other student about the blog page is going to be keeping. I am going to sit down with him, hopefully this weekend, and work on it with him so he can have it the way that he wants it set up. His teachers emailed me and let me know what was going on with him throughout the day and to let me know of his assignments. All in all I think it was good for him and for me to just know that he is coping well and keeps plugging away at the saddness in his heart.
I am still trying to find a way to do that myself. There is just so much sadness and I don't know how to get through it sometimes. Right now it is through baby steps. Yesterday I finally cooked a real meal for the first time since George died. That is a huge feat for me since there are so many bad memories with my kitchen for me. THe immages of that day are so vivid in my mind and many times I wish that I could just erase them from my memory to just be able to remember the good times with him. Right now, that just isn't possible and I don't know if it ever will be possible. Loosing someone in a traumatic manner like that makes the loss so much worse then you could ever immagine. I think that is what makes it harder to even move forward.
Every day I listen to music that reminds me of him or is inspirational in one way or another to be able to get through the day. Many of the songs I find peace in are the ones listed here on the page. Music has always played a huge part in my life. I also try to find ways to keep my mind off of the sadness that I feel all the time. Many times I just have to sit back and pray to make it through difficult things. This whole thing is just such a terrible road to be on. I know so many others have walked this path and survived so I know I will too but it doesn't mean that surviving doesn't come with lots of obstacles and pain. Life goes on with our without you being an active participant.
"Letting Go" is an original Christmas poem submitted by an About.com member. It expresses a heart-felt request to Jesus for help letting go and giving up control to God.
Letting Go
Dear Jesus,
Please hear my prayer. I go along each day, trying to run my life my own way. I forget to let go and give you control.
I wonder why things aren't going the way I want them to go. I forget to stop and ask what you want, Lord. Please help me to give you control, Jesus. I want to follow you. I want what you desire for me.
Help me to realize that when you close one door, you open the one you want me to walk through. Help me also to realize that what I desire may not be what is meant for me, or what is best for me. Maybe it will lead me away from what your great plan is for me.
Lord, let me accept each day as a gift. Let me follow the path you choose for me. Help me to be thankful for what you give me and not to worry about my needs. I trust you will take care of all my needs. Remind me that my role is to care for those around me and focus on those who need my help.
Help me not to be judgmental, as we are all equal in God's eyes. Help me to see the good in all of your creations. Let me leave the judging to you, dear Jesus. Instead, I will concentrate on living to please you!
Help me, dear Jesus, be who and what you want me to be. Give me strength, faith and hope, and most of all, give me guidance each and every day. I let go and give you control.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
I am still trying to find a way to do that myself. There is just so much sadness and I don't know how to get through it sometimes. Right now it is through baby steps. Yesterday I finally cooked a real meal for the first time since George died. That is a huge feat for me since there are so many bad memories with my kitchen for me. THe immages of that day are so vivid in my mind and many times I wish that I could just erase them from my memory to just be able to remember the good times with him. Right now, that just isn't possible and I don't know if it ever will be possible. Loosing someone in a traumatic manner like that makes the loss so much worse then you could ever immagine. I think that is what makes it harder to even move forward.
Every day I listen to music that reminds me of him or is inspirational in one way or another to be able to get through the day. Many of the songs I find peace in are the ones listed here on the page. Music has always played a huge part in my life. I also try to find ways to keep my mind off of the sadness that I feel all the time. Many times I just have to sit back and pray to make it through difficult things. This whole thing is just such a terrible road to be on. I know so many others have walked this path and survived so I know I will too but it doesn't mean that surviving doesn't come with lots of obstacles and pain. Life goes on with our without you being an active participant.
"Letting Go" is an original Christmas poem submitted by an About.com member. It expresses a heart-felt request to Jesus for help letting go and giving up control to God.
Letting Go
Dear Jesus,
Please hear my prayer. I go along each day, trying to run my life my own way. I forget to let go and give you control.
I wonder why things aren't going the way I want them to go. I forget to stop and ask what you want, Lord. Please help me to give you control, Jesus. I want to follow you. I want what you desire for me.
Help me to realize that when you close one door, you open the one you want me to walk through. Help me also to realize that what I desire may not be what is meant for me, or what is best for me. Maybe it will lead me away from what your great plan is for me.
Lord, let me accept each day as a gift. Let me follow the path you choose for me. Help me to be thankful for what you give me and not to worry about my needs. I trust you will take care of all my needs. Remind me that my role is to care for those around me and focus on those who need my help.
Help me not to be judgmental, as we are all equal in God's eyes. Help me to see the good in all of your creations. Let me leave the judging to you, dear Jesus. Instead, I will concentrate on living to please you!
Help me, dear Jesus, be who and what you want me to be. Give me strength, faith and hope, and most of all, give me guidance each and every day. I let go and give you control.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Grief Work
I always use to find it funny to hear the phrase "grief work" Never did I think it was suppose to be something that required work...but lord it is the hardest job you will ever have. We have done a lot over the past few days on so many levels. To think this will be a job we will have for the rest of our lives seems so daunting but knowing we are not alone makes it not seem so bad.
Hugh, Richard, Michael, and I spent a lot of time up at Camp Comfort Zone today. Joshua did not go since he was not feeling well. I knew he was sick when I told him there would be balloons and he said he still wanted to stay but to send a kiss to Georgie from him. I don't know if it is allergies or season changes but his stupid insurance better get approved sooner rather then later in case I need to take him to the docs. I'm going to call his case manager at Medicaid tomorrow to light a fire under their butts...this is rediculous!
Anyway, we went to pick Richard up from camp and spent lots of time up there today. Not only was it healing for him but also for us as a family. This place is a true blessing and I would reccomend it to anyone who has a child with a loss. The memorial service that the kids had was just beautiful. The children ran it and got to choose how they wanted to honor their loved one. Some people did it in groups, some did it individually, or with just a couple of people. There were poems, songs, skits, and dancing. All of those honored there were looking down on those kids with pride and joy. There were tears and there was laughter all rolled in one. This is the first place we have ever felt like we belonged since George died other then our church.
Richard got up with his group and they each said who they were their for and explained a lot of emotions they all felt though their grief. After his group was done, Richard and one other boy from his group wanted to honor their loved one. I was so proud of him. He got a little flustered when it was his turn to talk but held it together and I could not have been prouder. He showed everyone the monkeys I had made for the boys with George's picture on the shirt and explained how much it meant to him. He then had asked them to play the song "Upside Down" from the movie Curious George! That was enough to have both Hugh and I wiping our eyes as tears just streamed down our faces. Richard got so emotional on stage listening to the song and all of his new friends just supported him...it was truly a blessing.
Michael had been itching to see Richard since he left! I took him over to give his big brother a hug after such a corageous thing. Richard just hugged and kissed Michael so much. All of his friend just thought Michael was adorable! It was so nice to see people there all for the same reason and all feeling so lost in their normal lives but being allowed to be themselves within a group of strangers. This was not only apparent in the children but all of the parents. So many parents felt so lost themselves, they didn't know how to help their own child...Hugh and I included.
We met Richard's Healing Circle Leader who was actually the founder of the camp and she had lost both of her parents at a young age and never wanted another child to feel the way she did. It was such a blessing to have her in all these children's lives. She of course let me know Richard was an awsome kid but also wanted me to know that he harbors a lot of guilt. She even mentioned that he said he knew I was having a tough time and we had talked about it earlier in the week. We all have the what if's and if only I hads. Logically we know it is not our fault but human nature makes you want to have something or someone to blame and with a lable like SIDS, there are no answers at all. I think that makes it even tougher when you have the guilt card in your deck.
Richard had an awsome "Big" and his "Big" loved Richard, his "Little". We talked to him and he said that Richard was such a pleasure and he hopes that Richard comes back again. They talked about a lot of stuff and had a connection from the beginning. At first I was not sure if it was a good match but by the end I was sure that there could not have been a better match. Both of them were high energy and both had lost a brother. There was so much commonality between the two of them it was scary!
At the end of it all, the kids got to have a balloon launch. They wrote messages to their loved one and attached it to a balloon. We all got balloons too. Michael was waiting for that all day and was so excited. Everyone got in a huge circle and let their balloons go at the same time...it was so beautiful. Michael and I blew kisses with our balloons. All of the kids had tshirts that everyone signed...it was just an awsome feeling, I don't think anyone did not leave without a warm fuzzy.
Michael had his own set of moments. He was so good and patient during the memorial. He was clapping and rocking back and forth to the music! Of course the little flirt that he is, he was talking to all the pretty girls/women with dark hair. Sue was his first target when we got there...she was wonderful with Hugh the night we had dropped Richard off and gave him the info to get a hold of the person for the adult camp he wants to see if there is a spot in. After Sue, there was Jamie...the founders daughter! He followed her around everywhere and must have said goodbye to her a million times!
Richard and I want to do something to help out this organization. I think we are going to look into doing a collection of supplies. They can always use tissues and sharpie markers. We are going to get a hold of the woman from the NJ camp and see what other things would be of help and put a list together for anyone willing to help out. It is free to families but it still costs to run these things if we can get supplies then they can use that money towards other things like bringing this program to more places. I cannot tell you what a blessing it was to have been able to go there.
I know that God was looking over us when I tripped over their web page. It was a true accident that I found it. It came at just the right time. I hope more families can benefit from their program. I have listed their link to the side of this page if you are interested. The children just have to be 7-17 and it can be for any loss. They do have older camps for young adults 18-23yrs and sometimes adult camps. They can always use volunteers...if you think you could do it for one weekend and change the life of a grieving child, please prayerfully consider doing it. You could make a difference in someones life at the worst time of their life. I can't think of a better mission.
Richard is staying home tomorrow. He is so exhausted emotionally and physically. I've never seen him cry like this and be so emotional but I am glad he is. He spent time in George's garden tonight. We really have to get it finished but things are at a standstill right now since Hugh threw his back out yet again. He was moving the rocks and with an already bad back, he just irritated it again. He has been out of commission for almost two weeks now. We are so close to being done but I guess it will just have to wait until we can start again. I don't want him hurting himself again so he has been taking it easy. They are too much for me to move other then a few at a time but it will happen eventually. We had hoped to have it done by Mother's Day but now I am just hoping to have it done by George's Birthday.
There are so many things running through my mind right now. All of us are just so emotionally taxed. This is the hardest thing to ever have to do in your life. The sad thing is that we won't be the last people to go through this and I feel for those who will walk this path in their lives and who do now and feel so alone. I've always prayed for those who lost children but this just has taken on another meaning since our loss. You truly loose part of yourself that you will never regain here on Earth. Maybe that is why it is so glorious to be in heaven?! I'll just have to wait and see and pray for God to walk with us until that day.
Hugh, Richard, Michael, and I spent a lot of time up at Camp Comfort Zone today. Joshua did not go since he was not feeling well. I knew he was sick when I told him there would be balloons and he said he still wanted to stay but to send a kiss to Georgie from him. I don't know if it is allergies or season changes but his stupid insurance better get approved sooner rather then later in case I need to take him to the docs. I'm going to call his case manager at Medicaid tomorrow to light a fire under their butts...this is rediculous!
Anyway, we went to pick Richard up from camp and spent lots of time up there today. Not only was it healing for him but also for us as a family. This place is a true blessing and I would reccomend it to anyone who has a child with a loss. The memorial service that the kids had was just beautiful. The children ran it and got to choose how they wanted to honor their loved one. Some people did it in groups, some did it individually, or with just a couple of people. There were poems, songs, skits, and dancing. All of those honored there were looking down on those kids with pride and joy. There were tears and there was laughter all rolled in one. This is the first place we have ever felt like we belonged since George died other then our church.
Richard got up with his group and they each said who they were their for and explained a lot of emotions they all felt though their grief. After his group was done, Richard and one other boy from his group wanted to honor their loved one. I was so proud of him. He got a little flustered when it was his turn to talk but held it together and I could not have been prouder. He showed everyone the monkeys I had made for the boys with George's picture on the shirt and explained how much it meant to him. He then had asked them to play the song "Upside Down" from the movie Curious George! That was enough to have both Hugh and I wiping our eyes as tears just streamed down our faces. Richard got so emotional on stage listening to the song and all of his new friends just supported him...it was truly a blessing.
Michael had been itching to see Richard since he left! I took him over to give his big brother a hug after such a corageous thing. Richard just hugged and kissed Michael so much. All of his friend just thought Michael was adorable! It was so nice to see people there all for the same reason and all feeling so lost in their normal lives but being allowed to be themselves within a group of strangers. This was not only apparent in the children but all of the parents. So many parents felt so lost themselves, they didn't know how to help their own child...Hugh and I included.
We met Richard's Healing Circle Leader who was actually the founder of the camp and she had lost both of her parents at a young age and never wanted another child to feel the way she did. It was such a blessing to have her in all these children's lives. She of course let me know Richard was an awsome kid but also wanted me to know that he harbors a lot of guilt. She even mentioned that he said he knew I was having a tough time and we had talked about it earlier in the week. We all have the what if's and if only I hads. Logically we know it is not our fault but human nature makes you want to have something or someone to blame and with a lable like SIDS, there are no answers at all. I think that makes it even tougher when you have the guilt card in your deck.
Richard had an awsome "Big" and his "Big" loved Richard, his "Little". We talked to him and he said that Richard was such a pleasure and he hopes that Richard comes back again. They talked about a lot of stuff and had a connection from the beginning. At first I was not sure if it was a good match but by the end I was sure that there could not have been a better match. Both of them were high energy and both had lost a brother. There was so much commonality between the two of them it was scary!
At the end of it all, the kids got to have a balloon launch. They wrote messages to their loved one and attached it to a balloon. We all got balloons too. Michael was waiting for that all day and was so excited. Everyone got in a huge circle and let their balloons go at the same time...it was so beautiful. Michael and I blew kisses with our balloons. All of the kids had tshirts that everyone signed...it was just an awsome feeling, I don't think anyone did not leave without a warm fuzzy.
Michael had his own set of moments. He was so good and patient during the memorial. He was clapping and rocking back and forth to the music! Of course the little flirt that he is, he was talking to all the pretty girls/women with dark hair. Sue was his first target when we got there...she was wonderful with Hugh the night we had dropped Richard off and gave him the info to get a hold of the person for the adult camp he wants to see if there is a spot in. After Sue, there was Jamie...the founders daughter! He followed her around everywhere and must have said goodbye to her a million times!
Richard and I want to do something to help out this organization. I think we are going to look into doing a collection of supplies. They can always use tissues and sharpie markers. We are going to get a hold of the woman from the NJ camp and see what other things would be of help and put a list together for anyone willing to help out. It is free to families but it still costs to run these things if we can get supplies then they can use that money towards other things like bringing this program to more places. I cannot tell you what a blessing it was to have been able to go there.
I know that God was looking over us when I tripped over their web page. It was a true accident that I found it. It came at just the right time. I hope more families can benefit from their program. I have listed their link to the side of this page if you are interested. The children just have to be 7-17 and it can be for any loss. They do have older camps for young adults 18-23yrs and sometimes adult camps. They can always use volunteers...if you think you could do it for one weekend and change the life of a grieving child, please prayerfully consider doing it. You could make a difference in someones life at the worst time of their life. I can't think of a better mission.
Richard is staying home tomorrow. He is so exhausted emotionally and physically. I've never seen him cry like this and be so emotional but I am glad he is. He spent time in George's garden tonight. We really have to get it finished but things are at a standstill right now since Hugh threw his back out yet again. He was moving the rocks and with an already bad back, he just irritated it again. He has been out of commission for almost two weeks now. We are so close to being done but I guess it will just have to wait until we can start again. I don't want him hurting himself again so he has been taking it easy. They are too much for me to move other then a few at a time but it will happen eventually. We had hoped to have it done by Mother's Day but now I am just hoping to have it done by George's Birthday.
There are so many things running through my mind right now. All of us are just so emotionally taxed. This is the hardest thing to ever have to do in your life. The sad thing is that we won't be the last people to go through this and I feel for those who will walk this path in their lives and who do now and feel so alone. I've always prayed for those who lost children but this just has taken on another meaning since our loss. You truly loose part of yourself that you will never regain here on Earth. Maybe that is why it is so glorious to be in heaven?! I'll just have to wait and see and pray for God to walk with us until that day.
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Me With My Prince Charming In Front of the Castle
