Saturday, June 18, 2011
God's Rainbow by Nicole Garman
What does God's rainbow mean to you?
His promise to the world? To most this is nothing new.
For some it means so much more
These were the parents whose children he knocked on their door
These sweet souls were too pure
Off to heaven they had to soar.
It leaves such a hole in the heart
God blesses them by showing he will never part.
To a womb once filled a life is given, a gift
A promise that he knows many hearts it will lift.
Smiles, laughter, and giggles they bring
and somehow through them again a heart learns to sing.
The heart never the same but more humble and caring
knows deep in it that blessing God is sharing.
A sibling this soul will never know
but to the world, God's love they will show.
His promise to the world? To most this is nothing new.
For some it means so much more
These were the parents whose children he knocked on their door
These sweet souls were too pure
Off to heaven they had to soar.
It leaves such a hole in the heart
God blesses them by showing he will never part.
To a womb once filled a life is given, a gift
A promise that he knows many hearts it will lift.
Smiles, laughter, and giggles they bring
and somehow through them again a heart learns to sing.
The heart never the same but more humble and caring
knows deep in it that blessing God is sharing.
A sibling this soul will never know
but to the world, God's love they will show.
Forever More by Nicole Garman
I was hard at work so later we could play
that's what I was doing that fateful day.
Suddenly I heard panic footsteps across the floor
The life I knew was then gone forever more.
Your daddy handed you to me
He was hoping I could save you, in his eyes that was all I could see.
On the counter I laid you
I tried to breath life back into your body, praying with daddy too.
I knew you were gone , but I tried with all my might
Deep in my heart I knew God had come in the dark of the night
Trying all we knew how to do, we made that call.
Your big brothers were there we couldn't stop it all.
To the hospital you were rushed,
We got there to see a busy room so hushed.
Time seemed to fly.
I had to keep it together and not cry.
They turned and ask if we wanted to hold your hand.
With that I knew, and at your bedside we came to stand.
Daddy still had hope in his heart,
Just then the doctors confirmed what I knew from the start.
God's angels had came to take you home
On Earth your time was short with only a while to roam.
I did not want to leave you and held you tight.
I prayed this was a nightmare and I would wake from this fright.
We baptized your little body knowing God loved you too.
Everyone was there and just didn't know what to do.
Empty handed we went home and saw your empty bed,
The events of the day just running through our head.
You would never return to live with us here.
We were now living every parents worst fear.
People came to support us and tried their best.
Little did they know our hearts from then on would never find rest.
We mad all the arrangements like we knew we must do,
We tried to make your "party" just beautiful for you!
One last time, we got to say our farewell
Signing those papers was like being in hell.
Alone in that room with you I sang you one last lullaby
It broke my heart to finish it and know I had to say goodbye.
The church was full of family, friends and monkeys, so many
No service was more beautiful, not any.
Outside we laid your ashes in the ground,
As I placed them there myself, no one made a sound.
It was my job as your mommy to finish walking you home,
So that your spirit in heaven could forever roam.
I know I will see you again some day
I cannot wait to get there so we can play.
Our lives are never going to be the way we thought it would.
I would have given my life for you, if only I could.
I could not save you, nor can I bring you back
Effort and love are not something we lack.
God's plans for you were grater than ours
Until we can get there play among the stars.
You will always be in our hearts for love forever remains,
Our love is just now shown through tear stains.
Each little drop is an I love you, kiss, or tight little hug,
we would be giving you if you were here in our arms like a bug in a rug.
We cannot do that so the tears forever flow
It's our way of showing our love and letting you know.
So little boy as your spirit does soar,
Know you are loved and in our hearts forever more.
that's what I was doing that fateful day.
Suddenly I heard panic footsteps across the floor
The life I knew was then gone forever more.
Your daddy handed you to me
He was hoping I could save you, in his eyes that was all I could see.
On the counter I laid you
I tried to breath life back into your body, praying with daddy too.
I knew you were gone , but I tried with all my might
Deep in my heart I knew God had come in the dark of the night
Trying all we knew how to do, we made that call.
Your big brothers were there we couldn't stop it all.
To the hospital you were rushed,
We got there to see a busy room so hushed.
Time seemed to fly.
I had to keep it together and not cry.
They turned and ask if we wanted to hold your hand.
With that I knew, and at your bedside we came to stand.
Daddy still had hope in his heart,
Just then the doctors confirmed what I knew from the start.
God's angels had came to take you home
On Earth your time was short with only a while to roam.
I did not want to leave you and held you tight.
I prayed this was a nightmare and I would wake from this fright.
We baptized your little body knowing God loved you too.
Everyone was there and just didn't know what to do.
Empty handed we went home and saw your empty bed,
The events of the day just running through our head.
You would never return to live with us here.
We were now living every parents worst fear.
People came to support us and tried their best.
Little did they know our hearts from then on would never find rest.
We mad all the arrangements like we knew we must do,
We tried to make your "party" just beautiful for you!
One last time, we got to say our farewell
Signing those papers was like being in hell.
Alone in that room with you I sang you one last lullaby
It broke my heart to finish it and know I had to say goodbye.
The church was full of family, friends and monkeys, so many
No service was more beautiful, not any.
Outside we laid your ashes in the ground,
As I placed them there myself, no one made a sound.
It was my job as your mommy to finish walking you home,
So that your spirit in heaven could forever roam.
I know I will see you again some day
I cannot wait to get there so we can play.
Our lives are never going to be the way we thought it would.
I would have given my life for you, if only I could.
I could not save you, nor can I bring you back
Effort and love are not something we lack.
God's plans for you were grater than ours
Until we can get there play among the stars.
You will always be in our hearts for love forever remains,
Our love is just now shown through tear stains.
Each little drop is an I love you, kiss, or tight little hug,
we would be giving you if you were here in our arms like a bug in a rug.
We cannot do that so the tears forever flow
It's our way of showing our love and letting you know.
So little boy as your spirit does soar,
Know you are loved and in our hearts forever more.
Friday, June 17, 2011
My Heart is Breaking by Nicole Garman
My heart is just breaking right now.
I keep asking God How?
How could you take my little boy away?
It was such a horrible day!
The pain is just so much for me to bare.
I go to you room and you are not there.
You were suppose to grow up in our home.
Instead your soul in heaven does roam.
I am left here with nothing but memories to keep.
One night you just left us in your sleep.
My heart just breaks to not have you in my life,
Some days I'm full of nothing but strife.
There are days when all my heart does is long,
Those are the days I can just no longer be strong.
I fall apart and sob day and night.
Keeping back the tears can be such a fight.
This was not how I pictured my world.
The day you left my life it all just unfurled.
Nothing will ever make it the same,
That fateful day God's angels came.
I love you with all my heart.
I don't understand why you had to part.
Every day of the rest of my life the tears will flow.
That is now how my love for you, I have to show.
I really just don't get it.
On my lap you used to sit.
That beautiful little smiling face,
In my arms I could embrace.
No longer can I love you the same,
But my heart will never forget your name.
Although my heart is breaking now,
I will make it through with God's help somehow.
I keep asking God How?
How could you take my little boy away?
It was such a horrible day!
The pain is just so much for me to bare.
I go to you room and you are not there.
You were suppose to grow up in our home.
Instead your soul in heaven does roam.
I am left here with nothing but memories to keep.
One night you just left us in your sleep.
My heart just breaks to not have you in my life,
Some days I'm full of nothing but strife.
There are days when all my heart does is long,
Those are the days I can just no longer be strong.
I fall apart and sob day and night.
Keeping back the tears can be such a fight.
This was not how I pictured my world.
The day you left my life it all just unfurled.
Nothing will ever make it the same,
That fateful day God's angels came.
I love you with all my heart.
I don't understand why you had to part.
Every day of the rest of my life the tears will flow.
That is now how my love for you, I have to show.
I really just don't get it.
On my lap you used to sit.
That beautiful little smiling face,
In my arms I could embrace.
No longer can I love you the same,
But my heart will never forget your name.
Although my heart is breaking now,
I will make it through with God's help somehow.
Heavy Heart
Today my heart has just been so heavy. I miss my little boy more than ever and have found tears welling in my eyes several times today at the very thought of him or just seeing something of his. Thinking about it all and moving is just stirring up a bunch of emotions. The very essence of his presence here at home is just not the same. We moved his things to my mom's house since they are so important to us but it makes being here feel like I am lost. I just feel so very empty when I think of us leaving the home we created for our family.
It wouldn't be bad if we were going to be away from here completely but we aren't. I don't think I will ever be able to drive around the corner here for emotional reasons. The first house I sold, I left and never went back to. Never have I ever driven by it at all, not even once. I won't have the luxury of never seeing out house again because I can even see it from my parents back yard. It will be like looking at something knowing we lost it and feeling as if my son is here and we aren't...kind of like him being in heaven in general. Sometimes I think I will be ok and sometimes I think it will be like tearing me apart but I think it will be a day to day thing like it is just to live day to day without him. I think it is also harder because it isn't like we are selling it because we want to, we have just had unfortunate circumstance after another compound to put us in this situation and there is nothing we can do about it all.
Moving in with my parents will have many pros and cons to it. Hugh and I are aware of all of them and know what we are facing but dispite it all, it is hard to do for us. Part of me is excited to not have to worry about things but another part is just sad. We are trying to make it as painless as possible but we built our home here and part of our hearts are here. The mass amount of work that lays on my shoulders to make this transition also compounds it all. I often feel like I am treading water and waiting for the one wave to come that will drown me because I just can't go any further. Some days in general I just feel that way, today being one of them. There are also times where I feel like I can overcome the world.
So many times I just wish that life was easier than it has been or just for a break from all the worry and pain. Ironically the bible verse that was delivered to my email today was this:
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
~ Philippians 4-6, NLT
:)I knew that this was meant for me directly. Every day I pray and thank God for all he has given me. I know that there are many blessings and things to be grateful even when the world seems to be closing in. The smiles on my children's faces, their laughter, and just their presence and memories I have thus far are just a few blessings but there are so many more. All that said, I trust in God's plan for my life although I am not necessarily happy with the way I am having to get there. We all have our own struggles but in most ways they are all connected and boil down to some of the very same feelings no matter the specifics of the life struggles themselves. Days like today are the days I pray the most and ask God for his help because if I left it up to myself I would have quit and gave up a long time ago.
It wouldn't be bad if we were going to be away from here completely but we aren't. I don't think I will ever be able to drive around the corner here for emotional reasons. The first house I sold, I left and never went back to. Never have I ever driven by it at all, not even once. I won't have the luxury of never seeing out house again because I can even see it from my parents back yard. It will be like looking at something knowing we lost it and feeling as if my son is here and we aren't...kind of like him being in heaven in general. Sometimes I think I will be ok and sometimes I think it will be like tearing me apart but I think it will be a day to day thing like it is just to live day to day without him. I think it is also harder because it isn't like we are selling it because we want to, we have just had unfortunate circumstance after another compound to put us in this situation and there is nothing we can do about it all.
Moving in with my parents will have many pros and cons to it. Hugh and I are aware of all of them and know what we are facing but dispite it all, it is hard to do for us. Part of me is excited to not have to worry about things but another part is just sad. We are trying to make it as painless as possible but we built our home here and part of our hearts are here. The mass amount of work that lays on my shoulders to make this transition also compounds it all. I often feel like I am treading water and waiting for the one wave to come that will drown me because I just can't go any further. Some days in general I just feel that way, today being one of them. There are also times where I feel like I can overcome the world.
So many times I just wish that life was easier than it has been or just for a break from all the worry and pain. Ironically the bible verse that was delivered to my email today was this:
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
~ Philippians 4-6, NLT
:)I knew that this was meant for me directly. Every day I pray and thank God for all he has given me. I know that there are many blessings and things to be grateful even when the world seems to be closing in. The smiles on my children's faces, their laughter, and just their presence and memories I have thus far are just a few blessings but there are so many more. All that said, I trust in God's plan for my life although I am not necessarily happy with the way I am having to get there. We all have our own struggles but in most ways they are all connected and boil down to some of the very same feelings no matter the specifics of the life struggles themselves. Days like today are the days I pray the most and ask God for his help because if I left it up to myself I would have quit and gave up a long time ago.
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Me With My Prince Charming In Front of the Castle
