Prayer

Richard went back to school yesterday. He stayed home on Monday to be able to collect himself after such a long and exhausting weekend. Apparently he had a good day. He showed his shirt and photos from camp and told the other student about the blog page is going to be keeping. I am going to sit down with him, hopefully this weekend, and work on it with him so he can have it the way that he wants it set up. His teachers emailed me and let me know what was going on with him throughout the day and to let me know of his assignments. All in all I think it was good for him and for me to just know that he is coping well and keeps plugging away at the saddness in his heart.

I am still trying to find a way to do that myself. There is just so much sadness and I don't know how to get through it sometimes. Right now it is through baby steps. Yesterday I finally cooked a real meal for the first time since George died. That is a huge feat for me since there are so many bad memories with my kitchen for me. THe immages of that day are so vivid in my mind and many times I wish that I could just erase them from my memory to just be able to remember the good times with him. Right now, that just isn't possible and I don't know if it ever will be possible. Loosing someone in a traumatic manner like that makes the loss so much worse then you could ever immagine. I think that is what makes it harder to even move forward.

Every day I listen to music that reminds me of him or is inspirational in one way or another to be able to get through the day. Many of the songs I find peace in are the ones listed here on the page. Music has always played a huge part in my life. I also try to find ways to keep my mind off of the sadness that I feel all the time. Many times I just have to sit back and pray to make it through difficult things. This whole thing is just such a terrible road to be on. I know so many others have walked this path and survived so I know I will too but it doesn't mean that surviving doesn't come with lots of obstacles and pain. Life goes on with our without you being an active participant.


"Letting Go" is an original Christmas poem submitted by an About.com member. It expresses a heart-felt request to Jesus for help letting go and giving up control to God.

Letting Go

Dear Jesus,
Please hear my prayer. I go along each day, trying to run my life my own way. I forget to let go and give you control.

I wonder why things aren't going the way I want them to go. I forget to stop and ask what you want, Lord. Please help me to give you control, Jesus. I want to follow you. I want what you desire for me.

Help me to realize that when you close one door, you open the one you want me to walk through. Help me also to realize that what I desire may not be what is meant for me, or what is best for me. Maybe it will lead me away from what your great plan is for me.

Lord, let me accept each day as a gift. Let me follow the path you choose for me. Help me to be thankful for what you give me and not to worry about my needs. I trust you will take care of all my needs. Remind me that my role is to care for those around me and focus on those who need my help.

Help me not to be judgmental, as we are all equal in God's eyes. Help me to see the good in all of your creations. Let me leave the judging to you, dear Jesus. Instead, I will concentrate on living to please you!

Help me, dear Jesus, be who and what you want me to be. Give me strength, faith and hope, and most of all, give me guidance each and every day. I let go and give you control.

In Jesus name,

Amen.