It was our first vacation without our little guy. So many mixed emotions. It was great to get away from home but I really hate all of these firsts. We happened to be away also on George's anniversary of the day he became an angel. We were sitting in Dutch Wonderland and I think I was the only one who really knew it was the 29th. I then came across his pictures on our camera. It became full because I am such a shutter bug with the kids. I can't tell you how hard it was to delete the last pictures I have of him off my camera. They are on my pc and I can't tell you why it was so hard but it was. There were just some I could not bring myself to remove though. I miss him so much.
There is some sort of irony in the fact that he has now been gone as long as he was alive. I don't know why this seems so hard for me this time around and was probably the hardest angelversary yet. Here we were on vacation and he should have been there. I watched moms walk around with babies that were the age he would have been doing all the things with their babies I had planned to do with George. I now find myself looking for ways to include him and still find this odd need to get him something that won't be destroyed outside so that I can put it in his garden for him. Logically, I know it doesn't make a difference, he will never really use them but I still have that mommy part of me that finds the need to do it.
Last night, Richard came in from the hotel shop. He had found a beautiful angel ornament that he had found and bought for me. I don't even think he realized that it was the 29th and how bad I had needed that angel. We stood there in the hotel room and I cried and hugged him thanking him for the small token that he had just bestowed upon me without even really knowing the meaning of it. Those are the moments that I know George is watching over us all and that God truly is with us during these difficult times.
I happened to get an email today from a woman that is from a company that producest organic yogurt. My boys have lived on their yogurt since they were little and I swear sometimes it is Michael's only calories in a day. They were having a baby photo contest. I NEVER enter these things. For whatever reason I felt compelled to email the company and ask if I could add George to their list of babies. They had an automatic online application but I knew that my circumstances were quite different then every other parent putting their child in this contest. I opted to email them and send an email application explaining the circumstances. For whatever reason the picture that I had taken of him right before he died just spoke volumes and was so cute. It always makes me smile even when I have the worst day.
To make a long story short, they would like to talk to me. They were touched by what I wrote to them and loved his picture. The woman had asked about possibly doing a story about our family and our sweet angel. I felt so honored that I would be able to do this and keep his memory alive in this manner. There are so many ways he keeps changing lives and touching people and it still amazes me every single time. It makes me want to tell everyone they have so much more potential then they truly know they have. Think about it, if we were to only change the life of one stranger, how we could change the world. That of course brings up the idea of Jesus and how one man could change the world. It just made me realize how truly possible it is to leave an impact on the world and that nothing is impossible no matter how out of our reach it may seem. If one 4 month old little boy can do it then we all can.
Think about what you want for your life and how you could make a difference in someone elses. Take action to make it happen. Life is short and you need to seize every moment you have. Don't live life full of what if's and could have or would have's. My son is still changing the world long after he is gone so just immagine what you can do when you are here.
There is some sort of irony in the fact that he has now been gone as long as he was alive. I don't know why this seems so hard for me this time around and was probably the hardest angelversary yet. Here we were on vacation and he should have been there. I watched moms walk around with babies that were the age he would have been doing all the things with their babies I had planned to do with George. I now find myself looking for ways to include him and still find this odd need to get him something that won't be destroyed outside so that I can put it in his garden for him. Logically, I know it doesn't make a difference, he will never really use them but I still have that mommy part of me that finds the need to do it.
Last night, Richard came in from the hotel shop. He had found a beautiful angel ornament that he had found and bought for me. I don't even think he realized that it was the 29th and how bad I had needed that angel. We stood there in the hotel room and I cried and hugged him thanking him for the small token that he had just bestowed upon me without even really knowing the meaning of it. Those are the moments that I know George is watching over us all and that God truly is with us during these difficult times.
I happened to get an email today from a woman that is from a company that producest organic yogurt. My boys have lived on their yogurt since they were little and I swear sometimes it is Michael's only calories in a day. They were having a baby photo contest. I NEVER enter these things. For whatever reason I felt compelled to email the company and ask if I could add George to their list of babies. They had an automatic online application but I knew that my circumstances were quite different then every other parent putting their child in this contest. I opted to email them and send an email application explaining the circumstances. For whatever reason the picture that I had taken of him right before he died just spoke volumes and was so cute. It always makes me smile even when I have the worst day.
To make a long story short, they would like to talk to me. They were touched by what I wrote to them and loved his picture. The woman had asked about possibly doing a story about our family and our sweet angel. I felt so honored that I would be able to do this and keep his memory alive in this manner. There are so many ways he keeps changing lives and touching people and it still amazes me every single time. It makes me want to tell everyone they have so much more potential then they truly know they have. Think about it, if we were to only change the life of one stranger, how we could change the world. That of course brings up the idea of Jesus and how one man could change the world. It just made me realize how truly possible it is to leave an impact on the world and that nothing is impossible no matter how out of our reach it may seem. If one 4 month old little boy can do it then we all can.
Think about what you want for your life and how you could make a difference in someone elses. Take action to make it happen. Life is short and you need to seize every moment you have. Don't live life full of what if's and could have or would have's. My son is still changing the world long after he is gone so just immagine what you can do when you are here.
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