Emotions

All I can say is that this has been one emotional roller coaster from beginning to end. Part of me is thankful that I had a c section because it makes it hard to cry since it hurts to do so. There have been so many moments where I want to just break down and cry but just can't and it isn't necessarily out of sadness but just general overwhelming emotions. Having delivered in the same hospital and to have Gabrielle look a lot like her big brother brings many emotions with them.

I do have to say the staff here has been great and so understanding and helpful. The entire OR was full of people who truly cared and it was like having a room full of sisters there to welcome our little girl into the world. They all understood our situation and although initially they did not know what to do or say they did eventually find themselves swept up in the emotion and happiness they felt for our family. I really connected with one of my nurses that I had here. Donna and I sat here and I talked to her about George and we both think she was actually one of the nurses who cared for him. It brought tears to her eyes to know what had happened and she was like a family member in just a few hours and I thank God for placing her in my life while I was here. I was able to talk to her and laugh and cry and feel like it was alright to do so. The woman who cleaned my room was also a wonderful woman and even came in with a gift for us.

I really wish that my little boy was here to see his little sister but I know he had a hand in her being here. He is watching down on her, I can see it in her smile and face. I miss him so very much and although I am so happy it is a very unique feeling to have that I have never felt before. I can't even begin to explain it but hope that in the next few weeks once we are settled in and I can have more time to process things, it won't seem so overwhelming or as if I just can't even wrap my head around it. The holidays added in make it harder and I think the fact that I just can't really cry does not help since it is such a release of emotions for me.

Tomorrow we go home and I am grateful for that. I asked the docs if I could go a day early so I could be with the boys and help out as much as possible and just be out of the hospital environment. Unfortunately, the morning I went into labor our hot water heater broke so we will be going to my mom's. Hugh and I have just not had the time to be able to look into it at all. He has been back and forth between the hospital and work and by the time he gets home it is to late at night. My mom has been such a huge help and watching the boys for us which has meant so much to us although I know she needs a break after having them for the past few weeks without much of a break. The only bad part about going there is that all our things are at home so we aren't exactly set up to be going there until we can get it all fixed. It is really just our luck that things transpired that way though...never a dull moment.

Here is to hoping that our transition home is easier than it seems right now and that I heal fast and can get back to as much "normal" as possible.