I wish so badly that you were here. My heart breaks every day with the knowledge that you are not with me right now. I cry for you at least once a day and pray for God to help me through the moments that I don't think I will make it. Even just seeing a photo of you now just makes me cry. This whole season is suppose to be about joy but I just cannot bring myself to find it within me right now no matter how hard I try. I am grateful for the many gifts I do have however it does not make up for the fact that you are gone.
Yesterday Elizabeth Edwards died...she is a political figure who lost her son. I always looked up to her for speaking out for those who have also lost a child. When I thought about it I was not sad for her. I have often times listened to things she has said or watched clips of interviews she had given. All I could think about when hearing the news was how glorious a day it was for her rather than being sad for her. She expressed so very often how her faith changed and how she was no longer afraid to die. I have often said that myself and cannot begin to explain how those particular feelings wash over you after your child dies. All I could imagine was her holding her son again and how great that was for her and how happy I was for her knowing how much I look forward to that day myself sometime. Ironically many of the other mom's I have talked to expressed the same feelings.
I see pictures of other children that are the age you would have been and I can't even fathom what you would look like or be doing but it still tugs at my heart strings. Right now I cannot brave even the toy isles in the stores. It sounds so stupid but looking at them makes the reality that you aren't here especially for the holiday. I will see something that I think you would have liked and it saddens me to know that it will forever stay on that shelf since you would not be here to play with it. It is often times the simple things that become difficult. The things that used to carry such joy and happiness now also carry some sort of pain too. I could not bring myself to do Christmas cards or even take a family photo because they are no longer family photos...you are missing, it just isn't the same. Our lives just will never be the same again. I will always find myself wishing that you were here. I love you little boy and send lots of hugs and kisses your way and hope you are enjoying heaven.
George's Guardian's of Grace Projects
Stocking project is now in full force collecting donations. We have a list of the items we can use. You can also choose to sponsor a stocking in memory or honor of someone else. We will include a paragraph or two in the cards we place in the stockings to let the recipient know about the person that means so much to you. Our paypal account is posted on this page and ready to take donations. Email us for a list of items needed or with any questions or information you would like included on a sponsored stocking/donation.
Video Tributes/Celebration of Life Footage
Here is a link to a video tribute that was made by Richard's dad in memory of George. Get out your tissues!
We Finally have footage from the service up and running:
It is in 4 sections running about 17 mins each. If you were unable to attend, you can now see what you missed. We were so blessed to have everyone there with us in person and in spirit!