Rejoice!

I'm sure you read the title and wondered how that could be the title on such a sad day for us. Well,as hard as today is for us we rejoice for George although we are broken hearted. My son was the light of my life and I miss him terribly and will for the rest of my life but I know where he is and that I am not sad for him but rather myself and knowing that it seems like an eternity until I will be with him again. However, if it was not for Jesus and God's own sacrifice, I would not get to see my son again so for that I rejoice. That is not to say that our lives are not difficult and that we don't ache with every single breath we take but we know he is already enjoying all that God promised his people. My son never had to know sadness or the troubles of this world and for that I am grateful...he only knew true love and that in itself is such a gift that God gave him. If I have to suffer this pain for him to not know some of the evils of the world, than just like any mother or parent for that matter, I will do it gladly.

Yesterday was Hugh's birthday and it was a hard day all the way around since George died on a Friday. I woke up to panic attacks at just about the time we found him. I had to get up and check on everyone even though I tried to talk sense into myself. I just kept thinking of how it was my last day with my son and although those memories now bring pain, I am grateful to have at least a few good memories that are not fuzzy, I remember the last time I held him, played with him, and tucked him into bed just as well as I do the horrible bad memories that haunt me. Despite it all, we kept the kids home and took them to Chuck E Cheese to have fun and celebrate as a family and make some good memories. The day was very low key and I made Hugh his favorite meal and then called it a night.

Today we kept ourselves busy with Gabrielle's baptism. The service was beautiful and so was she in her pretty little outfit. I stood in the back at the font thinking of how George never made it there and the last of my children that was there was Michael. My grandparents were alive and my grandmother was right there and would have poured the water over his head if she could have done so. Now I stood there this time a very different person, never made it there with George, and now my grandparents were not there. It was such a different experience yet the meaning behind watching my daughter become a child of God had such a greater purpose and meaning then ever before. There were to points in the service where I cried but not for myself but because I was overwhelmed with the love God has for me and my family. To think that my son has already stood before him just was overwhelming and knowing God's own sacrifice for me just became so very apparent.

There was a pretty good turn out for the service and those who truly meant something and who we meant something to were there. Through all of this we have really found who we can count on and who are true friends and family that are willing to go out of their way to show us they care. I looked at the amount of hits that this page has gotten since I started it a little over a year ago and I am amazed that we have had over 7000 hits in a year. The thought of that is overwhelming and how I think that my son is living on in me and changing the world even if it is through my personal trials or that of my family. God has called us to this path for some reason and I will continue doing his will no matter how hard it really is. I don't get it and there are times I would like to resign from this job but if I really think about it I know I would do it all over again and try to put my faith in him all the time no matter if I can understand it or not.

I cannot thank all of you who have kept up with our page over the past year. In some odd way even though it seems at times that we are alone, it just proved that many of you care even though we know it sometimes hard to express. For a short moment in time you are taking the time to care enough to follow us. Knowing that people care about us and remember our son enough to follow on a regular basis is such a blessing and helps us to know that this has been a very worth while effort on my part to keep this page. We have gone through so many feelings and ups and downs personally and with other friends and family. Many of these emotions were raw and after some thought on my/our part we realized that sometimes things aren't always the way we initially perceive. Somehow this just goes to prove that we need to keep our faith and renew it daily. We are human however and fall from that path and is the reason we need Christ in our lives. No matter how we feel or what we say, right or wrong, people may not forgive or understand but God does. I think that this is why baptism is important and what it truly is all about...Jesus gave his life for us so we can be renewed...what a great gift to the world.

I continue to ask for your prayers for each day of the rest of our lives will be difficult and painful but we know God hears every prayer and walks with us and helps us to get through this all. We pray for all of you daily and as for God's grace and guidance in your lives too. Life is difficult for everyone and we all have our ups and downs and can all use prayer. Thank you all again for everything and all the support through this past year and hope we can count on your love and support for years to come.