Tears

This morning at 3:30am,I woke to Gabby crying and once she was back to sleep I was wide awake. Finally, I began to zone back out but as usual my mind was wandering to the events from the day before. I had watched my niece Mallory while my sister Tara went to work since my sister Michelle(she typically watches Mallory) was on her way to Texas for a cheerleading competition. My sister came to pick up Mal and we sat together as she visited and waited for the traffic down near her house to die down a little before she left. As always the two of us wind up talking about George.

Tara had a special connection with George and is profoundly touched by his leaving Earth early quite a bit. She is actually one of the few people that I am comfortable mentioning his name in front of or even crying with. Whenever we talk about him, it always seems to lead to tears. Yesterday was no different as we sat here talking about him and how I went looking for some of his things to use with Mallory. We found new homes for most of his things and I was not sure if I had given away something in particular and I have not been through his things in a long while. The thought of that saddened her and she began to cry and so did I. She apologized for crying all the time and making me cry all the time. Time passed and she went home.

For some reason her apology just sat with me and kept me thinking about what she said and how people respond to those who have lost a loved one. I didn't want her to apologize for the tears, hers or mine, and I was not sure why. On Facebook, I left her a message thanking her for remembering him with me and talking about him and even the tears. I could not find the right way to express in words the way I was feeling until early this morning after I started to doze. I was thinking about her apology and how we talked about the deeper appreciation we had for our babies that were lying in our laps. We both held them tight and kissed them and appreciated the sleeping girls we have been blessed with, our two rainbow babies.

Tears are not a bad thing! I think that they are expressions of the love you have for the person who returned to heaven. Each tear shed is a kiss, a hug, or an I love you that you would have shared with the individual if they were still here on Earth. Being as you cannot share those things anymore, I feel that they get all bottled up and show themselves in tears shed for them instead of the physical expression to the individual. I always hug and kiss my children and tell them I love them all the time so I am not surprised by the amount of tears shed.

Often times people don't like to see others cry and avoid it at all costs so they never mention the person in heaven or just forget since their own lives have moved on and not been directly affected by the loss. As someone who lost the greatest loss you could imagine, I can say that all I want is to talk about my son and not have to feel awkward when I mention his name or say something. Often times you can see a persons discomfort when I mention his name. I have tried to talk about the day we lost him and that makes it even more awkward or a person will just tell me they don't want to talk about it because it depresses them or they don't like the subject. People who loose someone, especially someone who looses a child just want to share them and their memory now that they are in heaven as they would if they were here on Earth. Of course we cannot share them the same way as if they were here but we still can share them and remember them in a capacity that we feel comfortable doing as long as others are willing to put their own awkwardness aside.

If you know someone who has recently lost a loved one, be that one person who "gets it". Don't be afraid to talk to them about the person. If they mention the person, don't leave that awkward silence or make them uncomfortable by avoiding the subject. The person in heaven was a big part of the person's life in some capacity and they are missing them and need support. Don't let the tears send you fleeing in the opposite direction...remember they are only an expresson of their love in physical form, the only way that they can now express their love for that person in heaven. Do not be afraid to cry with them or if you are the one who lost someone, don't be ashamed or afraid to cry, there is nothing wrong with it, it means you just loved the person in heaven that much!