Did God Spare Him?

I often sit and wonder why God took my little boy so soon. It breaks my heart to see all the dreams I had for him just disappear only to be left with heartache. I've always said that my faith has never wavered but that I just don't understand it at all. I don't think that I ever really will until I am called home myself someday. I miss his smile, his laugh, and just the way he lit up when he saw me. The time I had with his is something that I will always cherish in a way that no one will ever understand.

A few minutes ago I happened to look at a picture of Joshua when he was little that my cousin had posted on Facebook. It was from a time when Josh was having some serious issues medically and although no one else really believed he was that sick, you could really see it in the picture. Joshua's face was very drawn and he was super skinny. His eyes were just as big and blue as they are now but they just looked sick. I remember those days and how I would try just about anything to get him to eat or to add calories to his meals. Even though he "looked good" he truly was a sick little boy even if others didn't realize it. Those days all of a sudden came flooding back. I remember how close he came to getting a feeding tube and although people thought he didn't need one, looking at that picture I realized how he did. Fortunately, we were able to put him on a medication that increased his appetite and became our saving grace and made it so we did not have to give him a feeding tube.

George looked so much like his big brother Josh. He was such a happy baby but truly had some serious medical issues going on. I don't think people really knew how sick he truly was. His reflux was just horrible. We were trying to get it under control but without him doing the things for the doctors that he was doing at home, I was having a hard time getting him what he needed. Specialized baby formula was not even working for him and even with me adding cereal and trying to make the formula more tolerable for him, we still had trouble. Several times he had breathing problems that I told docs about but he would never replicate it in their presence. I really was afraid for him and didn't know how to help him or how to get him the help he needed. The boys old pediatrician tried to give me as much help as he could but he seriously thought that George had Mito like the other boys and the worst of the kids.

In my heart I truly know he was a sick little boy and it made me wonder if God spared him a lifetime of pain and suffering. I know what I went through and still go through with the boys who are healthier and how hard it is to get people to believe me or be able to help when they can't see what I see. In the end I don't know what ultimately took the life from his little body but I do know he had Mito and that he fought it every single day like a little champ. He was such a trooper and I know he would have kept fighting if God had chosen that for him but he didn't. God chose to call him home well before I ever thought he would.

I would gladly have taken care of him no matter the condition he was in. For his sake though, I would not want him to have to live in pain or live in and out of hospitals like so many other children with this disease. I have watched many parents live the hard part of this disease where they watch their child go through numerous surgeries and have feeding tubes or traches placed or other surgeries for GI problems. We would have gladly walked that path with out little boy if God had chosen that for us but that was not what he had planned for our son. I wonder if God saved him from a life of this and just gave him the gift of not having to endure anymore that he already was at the time. We had the time to love him and he truly had the gift of only knowing unconditional love and none of the pains of this world. If we have to endure this so he didn't have to know anything other than our love than I would do it a million times over. That picture just brought it all into focus a little and made me think of what life would have possibly been like for him.