Overcome

Today we headed to church. We try and get there as often as possible but often times something comes up and makes it hard to get there. I am always so thankful when we do get there and today was no different. Something about this season just always speaks to my heart and just being there in the church itself makes me feel closer to God.

There was nothing specific that made my heart swell but it did as I sat there next to Hugh as he held Gabrielle in his arms. I sat there thanking God over and over again for the gifts he has given us and also the struggles because they have gotten us where we are today. Many people would look at our lives and not want to be us but I would truly say I would not change anything in my life. I am so thankful for my family, husband, children, and most of all the relationship that I have with God.

Every single part of me missed my little boy as I sat there thinking of his service and how much our lives have changed since he left. My heart cries as I think of how he would be walking and doing all that stuff that toddlers do. Tears just welled up in my eyes after communion as I sat there thinking of Christ's sacrifice for us and how much I now know that that sacrifice meant and how grateful I am because that means I will be with my son again someday. Until then, I will just keep praising God for the blessings and thank him for letting me be George's mommy for as long as he did. I got to see his personality and love him in such a special way that makes my heart hurt so bad but smile so much just to think about him and the blessing he was to me.

I watched Hugh holding our little girl and my heart could do nothing but praise God for everything. Once again this week we hit our own set of struggles when the roof began to leak during a storm upstairs in Richard's room, right over his bed. Every part of me just wanted to cry but I kept it all in perspective and knew it didn't mean anything in the grand scheme of it all. We still have not fixed it but will work on it. As I sat there at church I just thanked God for everything in my life, even the bad stuff because even through the bad there has always been good. We have overcome so many obstacles and have been strengthened by each one and have been able to put life into a perspective that many people just don't have.

I also thank God for calling me to his folds. Thinking back to where I was before my life roller coaster started, I was very lost. When they talk about a lost sheep, I was like that seeking love in all the wrong places. I am so thankful that I was listening and have the faith I do because I don't really know where I would be without it. It is the hardest thing to just put your life in God's hands and know that somehow all the chaos and bad things will eventually work themselves out somehow. In all of it, I know that there is such a bigger plan at work and allowing myself to be part of it rather than run from it is hard to do but I am so grateful that I have come to know the feeling of peace in my heart to know I am doing things the way they are suppose to be. Faith is such an important and hard thing to come by and takes work on a daily basis and Lent helps to put all of that in perspective. I know with God's help we can overcome anything, even loosing our son. George is not gone, he lives on in every single person that remembers him and is waiting in heaven for us.