Validity

Today I sat here missing George yet again. The weather was just beautiful and the kids got a chance to play outside. Every single part of me wished he was out there running around with his three big brothers or running around my mom's house while I took care of Gabrielle. It was so tough for me that I went on my cell phone and looked at a few pictures that my sister had sent to me of the day he went to heaven and we were at the hospital. The pain was written all over my face and now it just hides in my eyes. How far we have come from that day and yet have so much further to go.

Tonight George must have been on the kids minds too. I got them in bed and they started to talk to me again about him. Michael talks about how his heart just stopped and asked me if it hurt. There are so many questions I just don't have answers to. I tried to explain that George was a sick baby and Josh turned to me and said I should have given him his shots and taken him to the doctors! Ugh...sometimes these are the hard parts. They talked about how much they loved him and missed him and how their hearts feel sad sometimes and they want to cry. Each of them have a Curious George stuffed monkey that they sleep with...Michael even took his to school in his book bag today.

I finally got them all to bed and sat here just wondering what God had planned for my life and was I where I was suppose to be. Things have been so very difficult for us and I have my moments of not understanding and wondering if God really does have a bigger plan. Something made me go to the boys care page that I recently updated. On there another mother left me a message. A while back she was looking for answers with her daughter who was having problems. I had suggested she look into the Mito issue and told her how docs misdiagnose people all the time with things and that from what I was telling her that she needed to look into it further. I never tell anyone that I don't think should be concerned but many just brush me off and probably think I am crazy.

Tonight in her letter she told me how I was right about her daughter. She told me how her daughter has now been diagnosed with two different forms of Mito and they are now looking into MELAS(a certain disorder). She said how she always thinks of us and every single time she hears the name George she thinks of us and prays for us. As I read it, tears just streamed from my eyes as this short note validated everything in my life. All of this pain, all of this suffering, all of these difficult obstacles in our lives have been worth it all. I always say how you never know if you have made a difference in the world but to keep doing it because we all do in some capacity. This for me somehow validated everything I have watched my own children go through, all the financial issues we have had, and even George's death. It made me know I am doing exactly what I am called to do. For all those who ignored me and thought it couldn't really happen to them, and chose to not look any further, this one mom made all of that feeling of frustration, alienation, and troubles worth it. What an emotional end of day it has been.