Our Angel Mito Monkey: God My Heart Hurts

George's Guardian's of Grace Projects

Stocking project is now in full force collecting donations. We have a list of the items we can use. You can also choose to sponsor a stocking in memory or honor of someone else. We will include a paragraph or two in the cards we place in the stockings to let the recipient know about the person that means so much to you. Our paypal account is posted on this page and ready to take donations. Email us for a list of items needed or with any questions or information you would like included on a sponsored stocking/donation.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

God My Heart Hurts

Tonight my heart is heavy and hurts as tears just run down my cheeks...God I need you right now. I miss my little boy and don't understand why he had to leave us. Every single part of me misses him and wants him back in my arms. I know life is not easy but why was I chosen to carry this hurt in life? I have been through so much and this just isn't fair. Why is he gone? Why did he have to die? Please ease my pain Lord, for every step I take is not an easy one and I want to be the best mom I can be for my other children. They deserve their mom and not the shell of a person that I have become as I put on that happy face while feeling so empty inside. I am really trying hard and need your help but the pain in my heart is just so great sometimes and I don't know where else to turn. You could have saved him, why didn't you? I pleaded with you to save his life as I watched him die before my eyes, did you hear me? Did I knot pray hard enough? I know I said that I wanted a little girl and not a little boy but I didn't mean it this way and I will forever feel bad because I remember that day I prayed to you for it. Never could I have ever imagined this pain or even begin to think my life would be like this. We are going through so much right now and I don't understand why. I know you see the bigger picture that I don't but why do we have to learn life lessons this way, IT ISN'T FAIR! WHY? WHY MY LITTLE BOY? There will probably never be a day that I will have any answers to that but I just pray for your presence in my heart and life especially as we come to the holiday season, something that used to bring such joy and now just brings pain. I need to live again, not just survive. I don't know how to do that but I know that with you beside me I will figure it all out but I am frustrated with the time it is taking me to get there. I want to be able to wrap my head around all of this and become a better person because of this. My son will not die in vain...I will become a better person for him, because of him, I can do this even though I don't want to have to do this. Please just give me the strength but for now please just hold me because "God my heart hurts"

No comments:

Post a Comment

Matthew 25:35

For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37“Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40“The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’ 41“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; 42for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; 43I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ 44“Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ 45“Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46“These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Obituary

George Charles Garman of Lumberton, born September 9, 2009, awoke in the Lord's loving arms on Friday, January 29, 2010. He was a beloved infant-son, brother, grandson, nephew, and light to all during his time on Earth, and his beautiful smile and infectious laugh continue to live on in the memories of all who knew him. The gifts he bestowed upon everyone he encountered are especially recalled fondly by his parents, Hugh and Nicole Garman (Arnao), brothers, Richard, Joshua, and Michael, grandparents, Michael and Barbara Arnao, and Alice and the late Frank Garman, and his great-grandparents Charles and Catherine Arnao and the late George and Frieda Miller. While the four short months he shared with his loved ones were made all too brief due to his fight with Mitochondrial Disease, his memory will live on forever. A celebration of George's life will be held on Saturday, February 13, 2010. Calling hours will be from 12:00-2:00 PM at St. Martin in the Fields Episcopal Church, 489 Main St., Lumberton, NJ 08048. A celebratory service will begin at 2 PM with a reception following. In lieu of flowers, the family welcomes donations made in George's name to The Joshua Garman Special Needs Trust c/o J. Robert Steelman 1117 Lambert Dr., Westhampton, NJ 08060. Condolences may be sent to www.koschekandporterfuneralhome.com