Happy New Year

Here is a Happy New Year from our family to yours. This has been a year full of so many ups and downs. I am praying that a lot of this comes into focus this year for us. 2011 has been rough emotionally. I was praying for a Christmas miracle...that God would somehow find a way to save our home or just get us out of this area all together. None of that really came through. The finalized Sheriff sale takes part on Jan 12th and we still have quite a bit to do to get our things out of the house. The thought of it takes all I have in me to not cry. Hugh and I knew this as home and so did our children. In such a short amount of time all of that will be gone, less than two weeks to be exact. The very thought makes me hold my breath to think that when we look at that house from my parents deck it will no longer be ours.

Every single part of me aches thinking that we are going to be leaving our home and have no say in the matter. You would think with all we have been through that God could have left us that but guess not. So often I will sit here thankful for my parents but also wishing we still had our own place. Many days I feel like I have to walk on egg shells to keep things copacetic. The kids are just now getting used to wearing clothing around their own home. For me, I just haven't found that nitch. When I was at our house I could pick up the phone without having to say who I was calling or leave something laying around without fear I will catch hell for it later on. When I am sad and want time to myself, I can't do that now without feeling like it will eventually be used against me saying I need counseling or just in general, I can't be the person I am now vs the person I was before. This is not complaining, by any means, we are so thankful for all my parents have done for us. These are just the things that I miss the most from living on our own. There is such a give and take that comes into play whenever something like this happens and it is hard for both sides. Right now there are two other families in our church going through a similar situation and we are all going through a lot of the same things.

I try to keep my mind focused on the fact that this is part of God's plan for us. The blessings outweigh the drawbacks. My children will know my parents in a way that most kids today don't. we are able to be there for one another on many levels. Hugh and I can help to contribute to the bills. Living here allows Hugh to be under less stress in terms of not having to worry about us or having to come up with money to pay all the bills/mortgage. The pros outweigh the cons or we would not be putting ourselves and my parents through all of this. The biggest drawback for me is having to leave the only place George knew as home. If God had wanted us to stay there then he would have made there be a way for us to keep the house but I guess there was more to come from us loosing it than keeping. No Christmas Miracles were in store for us just like there were no miracles in store for us that day George died.