Simple Gestures

So often we forget what a simple gesture can do.  Good or bad they carry some sort of feeling or emotion with them.  Tonight for the first time I was breathless with one simple gesture from Gabrielle.  She was tugging on my necklace that has George's ashes in it as she always does.  As an infant, she would fall asleep holding this necklace all the time and it just meant so much to me...now she will tug it and randomly will kiss it.  Tonight her simple gesture just took my breath away as she simply moved her little hands trying to tell me what she wanted.

As she tugged on it, I said "Georgie" trying to get her to say his name like always.  This time she pointed to his picture above the mantle that we had at his service.  She started to open and close her hand which usually means she wants something.  I walked her to his picture and she said "Georgie" and blew him a kiss.  My breath was just taken away thinking how she knew her big brother she has never met.  One of my biggest fears has been that she would never know him and how special he truly was.  Knowing that she just recognizes him at such a young age just touched my  heart deeper than anything.

Mother's Day is Sunday, and just like so many other special days, this one is difficult for me.  Yes, I have my mother but my son is gone and yes, I have other children, but no one can replace any of them, George included.  Gabby was born and brought a great joy to our whole family but it doesn't take place of the sadness left in our hearts by George's death.  I know I will see him again some day but that doesn't fix the here and now and the emptiness left by his leaving this Earth.  Just when I think things are going well, something will happen to bring my thoughts back to him and somehow I just wind up crying, not knowing what else to do.  How do you live being happy and yet sad at the same time?  It can be so overwhelming, you are just left with tears, be they happy or sad. 

I never did get to celebrate a Mother's Day with my son but we had a very special bond as I have stated before...he was my kindred spirit.  His simple gesture that would take my breath away was when he would place his head under my chin and just felt at peace with all around him.  That simple gesture was what personified our love for one another.  Please keep me and other mothers who have lost a child in your prayers as we celebrate being a mother to children here on Earth and in Heaven...no easy task for any mother who faces this situation.  If you know one, think of them and take an effort to let them know you are thinking of them this Mother's Day and do something special for them because they will truly appreciate any gesture be it small or grand.