Hate Shopping

I've come to the conclusion that I hate shopping right now! It just depresses me to go into the store. I went to Target with my mom today and was totally emotinally wiped out by the end of the trip. I would come across things that just reminded me of George. In ever section there was something and I even bought a Precious Moment CD for kids just because it reminded me of him. Whenever we would put him to sleep we turned on his music...he LOVED music. He will never listen to the cd but for whatever reason, I could not leave the store without it.

It is hard to walk through the store and watch those around me as they go about their lives. I feel as if mine has stopped and yet at the same time is forging ahead dragging me in toe. It took everything in me to not cry in the baby section. We needed some new sippy cups for the boys so I had no choice but to go there. With each step in the store, I felt my emotions running through me and just becoming so draining. It is just sad that something I use to like has become such torture!

I did get an email back from the people running the Mito study at the Mayo clinic. It is kind of exciting to be able to be part of it. In some way it makes me feel like we are helping others and those who are yet unborn who will live the life we now lead. They are going to do everything by mail. It won't take all that much to be able to help with this.

I realized that we had banked George's cord blood. There really is no use for it now that is is gone. They said they will be able to use it in their study so I think we may look to do that. I want to call the people at CBR who hold his cord blood. It is kind of hard for me to give that up in a way. In some odd way it is as if that is the only thing I have left that proves he existed and could unlock the key to what happened with him or eventhe metabolic stuff going on with the family. We had donated Michael's and for Josh it just wasn't a thought. Even if George had been a match to his brother's that doesn't mean they would even be able to use it. They would have to endure chemo to get rid of thier own cells an from what I was told it isn't an option for a Mito patient. Chemo can apparently kill them. It isn't something that I have to decide today but it is something I will have to consider.

Most of the day went pretty well. I am waiting to see what happens with the weather. The kids may not have school yet again. We have had way too much snow lately. I'd be glad if we just didn't have anymore and that spring could come. We are working on designing a memorial garden in the back yard. Today I got the stone I ordered for it with George's name. It is just beautiful and I can't wait to put it out there. The next thing I am going to work on is getting angel statues for the garden. I found this beautiful one of a baby sleeping in angel wings. I like the cherubs but some of the ones I have come across are kind of freaky looking. My uncle use to pour concrete but has since moved to Virginia so I am gonna start looking around at the local garden places for things. We just want it to be special and a place we can go when we think of our angel.