Today I found out that an old friend of mine lost her son about a month ago. Despite our falling out after George died, my heart still breaks for her. I remember seeing him in the NICU at the hospital when he was first born. I remember throwing her a mini baby shower in her hospital room the day after the twins were born. The boys were preemies and so tiny...I had never been around a baby that little in my life and watched her handle them like a pro where I was afraid they would break! Back then I had considered us best friends although I don't know if she saw things that way. Much to my dismay much of what I thought about our friendship was really not the case when I got an email shortly after George died from her.
She lost her son Ryan a while back and then had the twin boys after he passed away. Chase was adorable but definitely had problems from the very beginning. Even though we went our own ways I always prayed for them because I did not want her or her family to ever have to suffer that loss ever again. Unfortunately, that was not the case. I don't know any details since I stopped checking her page a while back and had stopped being friends on Facebook and the other connections that we had.
For me I was in the very beginning of my grief and thought that if anyone would understand it was her. Much to my dismay she told me that I did not know for sure that George had Mitochondrial Disease and that me saying so demeaned her boys fight with the disease. That was when I realized that I was alone...truly alone. It was bad enough I had docs from the beginning saying there was nothing wrong with him until after he was dead and then they all changed their tunes. Of course I definitely took it very hard and just needed to distance myself from her and the pain that I felt after feeling as if I had just been betrayed because the pain from the loss of my son was far greater than I could carry, to have that added just made things even worse. I really thought that even after that she would have shown up to his funeral and she didn't so from then on I had just decided that our friendship was over.
I don't really think that there was any wrong or right in the entire situation to be honest. I know for me, I definitely took things to heart and was acting more out of pain and grief for the loss of my son and the loss of a relationship I thought I had. For her, I am sure she watched her children suffer through this terrible disease every single day. Our experiences with Mitochondrial Disease have just been so very different and I know on many occasions that people thought I was over protective of the boys and felt as if I was causing my own drama. In fact I was just trying to get a doctor to take me serious. After Ken closed his practice, I was on my own and felt so very incompetent to handle the boys care...I was not like this friend of mine, she just knew so much more than I did due to the extent that her boys were affected. Because my boys were not as sick I faced a very different set of challenges and still do to this day with the kids.
Today I sent her an email saying how my heart went out to her and that I had just learned of her little boy's return to heaven. I don't know if I ever will hear from her but my heart breaks for her thinking of how she has had to endure this twice. Even though our relationship was not what I thought it was I would still be here for her even though I know she has made friends with another child's mother who definitely had more in common with her. Grief is such an odd and unpredictable thing. I sat there thinking of how I wish we didn't have to ever go through these sorts of things but how they change our perception on life. I don't know if we will ever be friends again but I still feel for her in a very deep way, more than I would for a stranger. Please pray for their family and their little boy who is now in heaven with George.
yesterday Hugh and I went to church together for the first time in a long time. My mom watched the little boys. I think I just needed to get out and away from all the drama and things that I have felt so very overwhelmed by. We of course mentioned the fundraiser for Comfort Zone we are doing. I am glad that the boys are so excited and had such a wonderful idea...the only draw back is that there is just so much to do and with me being the only one really working to organize it along with George's birthday coming up I am just so very overwhelmed at times. I will be glad that we did it but also be glad for it to be done too. I was very touched yesterday when a little girl came up to me and asked if she could do a puppet show for the event!!! It just meant so much to me. We are getting more things added every day and I am excited for that. I do have to order a birthday cake for George still...think I want to get something special...going to have to call around to a few places.
Please also keep Hugh in your prayers. He did finally get a call back from that interview where he went a week or two ago. The gentleman said he had two more interviews to do this week but would let him know by Thursday. I think he has many mixed emotions about it and I surely can't blame it. We figure it is worth a shot for him to try and see if it works. I know he can do well with it all, I just hope that he gets the job. Whatever God wants will happen, we have learned that the hard way and have just learned to put things there and leave them. Thank you all in advance for your prayers for the family and Hugh.
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