Well dispite all the pain I carry in my heart every day, I realize how much you are changing the world even when you aren't here. You have touched so many lives and continue to do so. Today we dropped your clothes off at the church. I cannot tell you how hard it was to go through your things especially those that still had tags on them knowing you never wore them. I just cannot keep them in a plastic bag when there are so many people they can help. Yes it is hard for me to give away things that remind me of you but I know you are living on through these things. They will travel across the continents to Ecuador where some child of an earthquake will find warmth and love in them.
As daddy and I went to put the bags in the car we saw a butterfly on the door. It was the most beautiful one I have seen in a long time. It was black with blue spots on its wings. It was then that I knew we were doing the right thing and our sign from God that you are part of his greater plan in this world. We never get butterflies up at the house because they love the plants in the backyard. This one just lingered as daddy and I fumbled to get the camera and take a picture of it. Although I am not one for signs, this was just undeniably a sing and the very thought of it brings tears to my eyes.
We also got a call today from a woman at the newspaper. She is going to come out on Thursday with a photographer to take pictures and interview us. We have been very blessed to keep in touch with one of the police officers who came to our house the day you left us. He has been a great help by giving me contacts of his. I've written to many of them and received a warm response since your story touches their hearts. The unconditional and never ending love that our family has is apparent to them through my emails and the fact that your brothers love you so much they want to keep your memory alive.
Whenever I wonder why you are gone, I think of all that has come from loosing you. I still want you back but realistically know I can't have you back. If that is the case then knowing something good has come of all this horrible pain and heartache that I will have to forever live with, than I know there was a purpose to it all at the very least. That doesn't make it better at all and I hate when people tell me things like that because I would rather have you here but it isn't possible so I know I have to make the best of it.
Your brothers are quite excited and are buzzing around the house. Josh has plans to clean tomorrow and took out his clip on tie! Richard if course is that proud big brother of yours who carries his pain under his tough exterior but has such an awesome perspective on life. For Michael, life is simple...he misses you...but I think he is more worried to make sure you have lots of balloons and cake for your party! We all love you so much and I wish I was holding you and planning your birthday party rather than trying to find a way to honor and keep your memory alive. I would give anything for you to be here. Despite it all, I do know that together we are all changing the world one baby step at a time and doing what God has planned for us even though it is much bigger than anything I ever thought or planned for our family. You still amaze me with how you are still changing the world!
No comments:
Post a Comment