Love Goes On

Every day we miss our little boy more and more. I seriously thought that it was suppose to get easier when in fact that is definitely not the case. For us these past few weeks and weeks ahead are going to be very hard on so many levels. George's first birthday will be on the 9th of Sept and we just have so many emotions running high and we are sure it is only going to get harder as the day gets closer.

We have been working with the kids on the fundraiser for the 11th, that following Saturday. It has been a struggle to get support for it since so many people are wrapped up in their own lives and the fact that the economy is in the toilet. With this being Richard's and the little boys idea, I really want it to be special for them. They want to honor their little brother's memory this way and I will do whatever it is to make that happen. I even told Richard that even if we are the only people there that we are making a difference, even one penny can make a difference. As of right now we have two weeks left and although we have a petting zoo together and some other kid activities, we have not sold a ticket yet. I know the norm is that people wait but it is definitely unnerving when these are your children with this desire, especially such young children with huge hearts, it is a very scary thing! I just pray that they are not disappointed.

I have written letters to the newspaper and the local news programs but have not heard back from any of them. This of course does not surprise me since I am the one writing the letters and they are not coming from a 3rd party...that is usually how it works. I've gotten a hold of them all several times now but to follow up with all that we have going on here is just so hard for me to do. I'm organizing all the "stuff" needed to pull it off along with keeping on top of the kids needs, the issues with my unemployment, and tons of other things...not to mention our own emotions. I keep telling myself it is in God's plans and at this point in his hands because I just don't have more in me to give...I feel so very tired and tapped out with no rest from the chaos of life in years(that is no exaggeration)!

Today Hugh and I were watching a movie called The Last Song. It is a tear jerker and had I known the plot I wouldn't have watched it but was glad in a way that I did watch it. So many of the moments in the movie just hit home for Hugh and I both. The one boy in the movie lost his brother a year before and it showed his family and how they reacted. The girl found out later that her dad was dying from cancer they didn't know about(surely hit home for Hugh) and he passes away in the end. Ultimately, the girl learns how fragile life is and the very miracles that are happening every day. There are these sea turtle eggs(if you know anything about see turtles you will know why that is so moving) that they care for and watch hatch and go to the ocean...so moving and so much meaning behind it.

Of course to add to that, we found a friend of ours posted a video on Facebook of her son using George's jumper. It was his favorite toy and we had actually just put it together Christmas day for him. He loved it. When he died we knew we wanted his things to be used. Nothing would come of them sitting in a room or in a basement. Seeing this baby use this was just enough to make Hugh and I break down into tears crying for the loss of our son but also the joy he is still bringing to this world through simple gifts like this.

For the longest time I had no idea what to do with his baby book. Just the other day I knew what to do with it. No, it will not fulfill its initial purpose to record his life milestones. Now it will be filled with memories from the lives he has touched even after his death. I asked the mom to send me a picture of her son using his jumper. I have asked the deacon at our church to take a picture of those who will be taking his clothes to Ecuador for the Chilean refugees. If somehow he has touched your life in someway and we are not aware of it, I ask that you send us a picture or write a note/letter saying what it was that he did for you. We are going to take pictures at the fundraiser to add. I want this book for our family to see in the future years, that even in tragedy, there can be good.

Hugh and I have been talking about what we want to do on George's actual birthday, September 9. Yes the boys will be in school but we are contemplating keeping them home and doing something special as a family. We have tossed around the idea of a trip to the beach, zoo, or Franklin Institute with them. We will have to see what the weather brings and what our finances look like. Whatever it is, we want it to be special and don't want to sit home crying, that won't bring him back. We both know if we don't do something, we will do just that. We have a Curious George stuffed monkey that I plan to take with us to special things and photograph so I have a visual representation of his spirit still living on with us. I will also add these to his book.

Please keep us in your prayers as we need every single one of them right now. The days and nights are long and full of very difficult moments/memories. We are trying to keep our heads up and live life to the best of our abilities but we are only human and cannot have it together all of the time. Thank you all who read this!