Tears

Tears have just rolled down my cheeks all day long today. There is no huge significance other than the fact I miss my little boy so bad. My heart breaks for him and although I am logical, there is no logic when dealing with the death of your child. I don't know if it is the hormones from being pregnant or what it really is but there were very few moments in the day that I was not crying or didn't want to cry.

I went to church bible study although I had every intention of not going for fear of loosing it. I made it through but on numerous occasions I had to seriously keep it together, especially while reading. I did however find a need for his clothes. As hard as it is to get rid of them I hate that they are not being used. I didn't just want to sell them or any of that. They had a grater purpose. At the end of September our church has a few people going to Equador to help out down there. As soon as I heard that I knew that was where they were going. They will be used by children in need and I cannot think of a greater purpose to them. I will have to go through them and take out the things that are not clothing but at least the now have a purpose other than sitting in my mother's basement.

I miss George so much and words cannot express the heaviness my heart feels. The very thought of life being this way forever is so very overwhelming. I am so grateful for some new friends I have found in a few mothers who are walking this path too. We know one another's pain and hurt like no one else does. Together we hold one another up through these moments. So many of us have been having a rough time lately, even though who have been without their children for years. I don't know what it is but I am so glad to know I am not alone and can find comfort in others walking this road and also lending that comfort to these wonderful women too. The tears will continue to roll forever down my cheeks because the love I felt for my little monkey just runs so deep and always will. If I didn't cry I would think there is something wrong.