Family in Florida

Well, we are here in Florida. The boys handled the trip like champs, yet again. I am so proud of these guys, they are such troopers. My mom was a trooper too as she drove with us and sat with the boys in the back while we drove and took care of them and all their needs while Hugh and I drove. We did stop half way at a hotel and they just thought that was great especially since it had a pool. They are still sound asleep right now and I am grateful since they really need to get some after all the travel...Josh especially since he had tummy troubles the whole way.

We are however off to visit my Aunt Joan today who I miss terribly since she moved down here to FL not that long ago. The two of us have always had this special bond that was just different then anything that I have with anyone else. She has had a tough life herself and always seems to understand things even if she did not experience them herself. Somehow she knows how to not demean your feelings or turn a conversation to be about herself even if she doesn't get it or necessarily agree. If she feels you are not thinking clearly she will bring it to your attention in an appropriate way and let you make the final decision. I didn't always see her all that often but knowing she was just a 20min drive away or a call away was always a comfort to me. When George died she was the one behind the scenes helping with his service when the rest of us just didn't have any more in us to do. Almost every single day she was there and I looked forward to seeing her and if I had needed her immediately she would have been there at just a call.

This trip is particularly difficult since the last time we were here George was with us. God do I miss him. I just kept thinking throughout the trip how he was with us. I was sitting in the back of the van taking care of him and playing with him. Last time when we got here he was so tired he fell asleep in the high chair that they had right in the middle of eating. When we got here last night that was all that I could think of and how much I really miss him. I miss his smile and holding him and just the sheer joy that he brought to me. One of the things I miss the most was how his face lit up when I walked in the room. It always made my day no matter how bad a day it was. We are not in the same house but that still does not erase the memories for me from the last time we were here.

I have however, realized that I cannot change the fact that he is not here with me. We need to still make memories with the boys. I would never take that from them. They are so excited and already have lost so much of their lives when George died. Somehow I have to make it through all these emotions and find joy in what I still have here no matter how hard it is for me. I know there are going to be lots of moments like these. They are the places and events you cannot avoid and have to find a way to face head on. It is so hard to do and requires so much energy but there is no way to avoid it so we forge ahead through it with God behind us helping us every step of the way. These bitter sweet moments will be throughout our lives now forever so just learning how to accept them all and move on through making the best of it all is really what is what will define who we are. There will be times we will handle it well and others we won't but they will surely mold us as individuals.

Please keep us in your prayers, I will update throughout the week even if it isn't as often. Thank you all who have followed this path in our lives...we just hit over 5000 hits in less than a year...what a huge accomplishment and honor it is to share our feelings and obstacles. I pray that it helps you to understand the very hard and difficult things as well as the blessings. There are so many raw emotions that people never talk about that I wanted to share in order to break the cycle that so many of us feel when in this situation. I have chosen not to hid anything in hopes for others to see this to possibly help someone else who will walk this path someday and give a better understanding to the process.