As I have always said, I have had faith that things would work out. That isn't to say I didn't ever understand any of it but just putting my faith in God that things would eventually work out. I knew I could not change things but had to remain patient and trust in God. Today some prayers were answered and things are now moving in God's time, as they always do. Hugh finally got a job...well two to be exact! He went for an interview at Sears and was offered a part time job. He of course took it since something was better than nothing. When he got home he got an email about the job that we thought had fell through which is full time and has benefits!
We are hoping that the full time one will let him start on the 1st of November so he can go to Florida with us all. It was last minute that they got back to him so we are hoping that they are going to be understanding. I remember when I sent the job post to him and had this feeling that he needed to apply and it was where he was suppose to be. When things kept falling through I kept telling him to be patient and that I still had a feeling about this position. It was an added position rather than one that they needed to fill so they could take their time with it rather then rush to get someone to take the spot. The guy took weeks to get back to him and I told Hugh to send him one more email and if he didn't hear anything than it was not meant to be but that I still had that feeling. Low and behold...there was an email saying they are starting training!
He is having some issues with going back to work. Although he is happy and excited he is scared too. Not only will he be starting in a completely new field, he will be leaving the kids. There are so many emotions that come with that sort of thing. He was blessed to have spent the past two years at some of the best times of their lives with them. A lot of men don't particularly care for this sort of life...being a full time at home dad, but for Hugh it was kind of like getting with his kids the things he never had with his own dad and family. I still believe God gave him that time for many many reasons! Just moving from something you were comfortable with and going forward with the unknown part of life especially with all that we have gone through it is definitely scary and sad at the same time...but I believe that it is what keeping faith is all about.
Ironically prior to all of this, I had an appt to check on Gabrielle at the docs office. It is always my time to read and reflect on things and I happened to pick up this scripture book that I forgot I had bought a while back during our trip to Lancaster. I went through reading the different verses of scripture and highlighting those that spoke to my heart. Even before knowing all of this these are the ones that I had pulled from the book and actually posted on my Facebook account.
Scripture that Touched My Heart Today
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4
6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
Lamentations 3:19-24
20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
Psalm 71
24However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
Acts 20
15 I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Genesis 28
Looking back on these passages, I know God was leading me to them. He always speaks to my heart in good times and bad. I remember about a week ago when my sister Tara said to me that her and my older sister were talking to one another. They were worried about us loosing the house and all that we were going through. Tara said that she told Michelle that she didn't know how it would work out or how I had the faith that it would but if anyone would be able to do it, it would be me. Somehow in all the unbelievable life trials I have found what true faith is all about. That doesn't mean you ever understand any of it because I am human and have my moments of asking why but somewhere deep inside I know God's plans for me and where he is leading me. I've learned to listen to those feelings and know they are God whispering to my heart and leading me where he wants my family and I to be.
I often times know that sometimes all though it is hard on me, I know that God is teaching someone else a lesson through our suffering. He knows that Hugh and I will survive it all and not loose our faith where if he were to test the other person he is teaching a lesson to would turn from him. Others would have turned to drugs, alcohol, and many other addictions had they been given our trials where we have just become stronger in our faith and learning how hard faith truly is to have yet how important it is to keep especially in times of trial. I think of Job and how his faith never waived and truly know that feeling. There are many who could not fathom our lives and how we are making it through but it is with God's amazing grace(the very reason Gabrielle has the name she has and the middle name Grace, she was our gift shown to us through God's grace and love)
Today I also got a call from someone at the grief camp that Richard attended. They wanted to interview me via phone for an article they are going to be writing. Our family story has touched them and our efforts for the camp they felt worth to add to their newsletter. George and our family are making a difference in this world through such tragedy. It just proves every single day that my son's life and death had such a greater purpose here than I had ever anticipated. I cannot tell you how great an honor it is to be called by God to do his will and change the lives of others. It is such an overwhelming and honorable calling that I never feel worthy enough to undertake but am so thankful for his faith in us to trust him with our lives and know his love in such a great capacity. Faith is not easy to come by but it is such a great freedom and gift that you never want to let it go once you have found it.
It still hurts to not have George here and I will always and forever yearn to be with him and await the day I will be able to do that again. Somehow through all of the pain and suffering I know that God is there and knows our pain and is walking with us telling us that there truly is a reason behind it all. I still go back to the song listed here as the first song Before the Morning...I have been playing this over and over again when all of it just doesn't make any sense to me.
We leave Friday for Florida. It will be very emotional but much needed. Please keep us in your prayers as we travel and undertake this emotional obstacle for our family.
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