I don't know if it is Hugh's return to work or what but I miss my little monkey more now than ever before. Right now it seems as if we are being thrust forward to keep living but part of us just keeps remaining behind. Often times I think it is like having to drive a car/bike with a flat tire. Yes the wheels keep going but it is no easy task and a hill that used to be easy to get up is now a huge chore leaving you exhausted and dreading coming to the next one. Right now just about everything just reminds me of him and I just want him back so bad. Even looking at his pictures has become difficult to do without tears welling up in my eyes.
Life for us has been on fast forward. Hugh started both jobs and has left the house at 8:30 or 9am and does not return until 9:30pm. He really does not like the job at the cemetery. He said the gentleman training him reminds him of his father and is just as obnoxious and demeaning at times. Yesterday he saw a memorial plaque for a young child and it brought back some very hard feelings for him. He also does not care for the way they want him to sell and feels like it is in an odd way taking advantage of people. There is one other guy training with him and he feels the same way. Hugh is toughing it out for now though. Sears is easy for him since he has done it before and is a comfortable fit for him.
He has however also received a job prospect working for DHL doing shipping in their brokerage department. This job would require us to relocate to South Carolina. He already did the first of about 3-4 interviews and will have the second one soon. It is kind of exciting but scary at the same time. The pay would allow him to not have to be gone all day long and work normal hours for the first time ever since we have been married. It will be better for the kids and I to have him work like this and although a transfer would be hard the company pays for the relocation stuff. We would have to find a place to rent/own which may pose a challenge since our credit took a hit due to our issues with unemployment and lack of pay lately.
We have decided to leave it in God's hands and follow his will for us. So much has to take place but it could all happen quite fast and we could find ourselves moved even before the end of winter. One big obstacle will be our home we have here. We owe more than it is worth now and trying to sell it would be a nightmare if you have to add in Realtor fees on top of it this would pose a huge problem. This leaves a lot of leg work to look into how to handle this sort of situation and I think I will have to get a hold of the lawyer we are working with to see what options we have. We have not declared bankruptcy yet since he just started his jobs and this all may put it in a different place than what we were before. There is a lot that has to fall in place though so we will just take it one step at a time...he has to actually get the job first! Please keep us all in your prayers as we move forward with life and learn to live without our little boy here with us. So many huge changes are definitely adding to it all.
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