Life Changes

Well we are finally home after the trip to Disney. It was a good but emotional trip for all of us. I'm grateful we had the chance to go back dispite how emotionally difficult it was. There were times where it was just overwhelming. I am sure part of it is being pregnant, running around after kids, and trying to keep it all together mixed in there with all the emotions of George not being there. Hugh and I found ourselves getting short with one another at times only to realize it after and apologize. It is so odd how we all can display sadness without even realizing it.

Hugh's mom did wind up going with my family and had a great time. She had never been on a trip where she really had no worries. You could tell at times that she is not used to being around people or living with others. Her expectations sometimes are just not exactly feasible but it surely comes with her lack of experience where dealing with others is concerned. I'm sure it was also very emotional for her since it was the week a year ago she took her husband to the hospital and he never came home. Two weeks from now is the 1 year anniversary of his passing. It was nice for her to get the chance to spend time with the kids and have a once in a lifetime experience though. I was grateful that my grandparents had gone with us so she had someone her own age to talk to and associate with.

Tomorrow starts a whole new chapter for us here. Hugh starts both of his jobs. He is very apprehensive and emotional about it all, not really knowing how to feel. On one hand he will miss the kids and on the other hand it is exciting to be back working again. New jobs always bring lots of anxiety for him since his self confidence is really not the best. He really is capable of anything but often times does not believe that. Please keep him in your prayers and all of us as we adjust to not having him here at home with us all day long.

We also go to get a growth ultrasound for Gabrielle in the morning. I really can't believe that she will be here in a little under 2 months. This too brings many emotions and fears to the surface. Much of this pregnancy has seemed quite surreal and even though I feel her moving, it is as if it is all just to good to be true following all the life trials we have faced thus far. There is a lot of anxiety coming with it all and as time gets closer the anxiety becomes worse for me but I am trying to keep my mind from wondering to the worst case scenarios even though it is difficult to do.

That being said, the time is going to just fly with the holidays all thrown in there. I really have no idea what we are doing for them to be honest. Part of me doesn't even want to think of them. Hugh and I were talking about it last night as we talked/cried about how much we miss George and how very different our lives are and continue to be. He said we can't run from them and I agree but I really don't know what to do or how to handle them. Part of me just feels like we need to take it all one moment at a time and let the cards fall where they will. Gabrielle's birth will really determine a lot of it since I feel she will be here well before her scheduled date of the 30th of Dec. I did get two ornaments for George's tree while in Disney and will wrap them up once we get his little tree placed later this month. The rest of it is up in the air. Last year was tough with it being the first without my grandparents and this year will be tough without George. I really am hoping that the new year is better than this one has been.

Please keep us all in your prayers as we move forward and face these very huge life changes ahead of us. Things are very difficult right now for us on so many levels and although we know they will work out, it does not take away the pain or worry that we carry each day.