Well today is 11 months since George went to heaven. I can't believe it has been that long. It seems just like yesterday. Today I felt so very overwhelmed with the thought that the numbers will just keep going up and seem never ending. What a sad and terrible feeling. I really try to look at things in a positive light but have found that very hard to do lately.
I did print out the pictures I have from Disney that I took of his hat on the beach and his name. I also printed out the picture from our trip to Disney when he was alive. It is a shame we will never have a family picture ever with our whole family in it. The thought of that just saddens me to no end. When we were in Disney this last time I bought a few frames to put them in and finally took the time to get it all together.
I also happened to do some thinking as to why the little boys really don't get the whole idea behind death. They don't get that he isn't coming back. On numerous occasions they have made many references to him coming back someday. I realized that in their world death isn't a big deal. You play a video game and the person gets run over by a car and magically comes back to life. With a game you can restart it and go back to the bad parts and fix it but it just doesn't work like that in real life unfortunately. I would give anything for it to be that simple.
For now we are just stuck having to find a way to live life without our son and always missing part of our family. We have good days and bad and good moments and bad moments and it will be this way for the rest of our lives. It is such an overwhelming thought but we can't change it at all so have to move forward somehow each day.
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