Loving You

Little boy, the weather is breaking and with each new flower that blooms, my thoughts turn to you. The sun was shining in the front window this morning and the warmth that I felt just like you were able to wrap your arms around my neck...I know by now you would have been able to do that and I wish I had been able to have that moment with you but it was just not meant to be. What I wouldn't give to actually have been able to see you do the simple things in life that so many people take for granite.

You have truly changed my parenting. Today your brothers were outside since the weather had broken. The two of them made a huge mud puddle! I walked outside to Joshua jumping in it. Rather than getting mad and yelling at them, I let them continue. Inside the house you could hear them giggling and loving every single moment of it. Josh came in the house with brown socks that had started out white. Prior to you dying I would have been upset but instead I just loved hearing them playing and laughing...never again will I take anything like that for granite. I thank God for everyone of these moments now in a way I never did before.

Your sister fell asleep in her bouncer today. She looks so much like you and especially there in that bouncer, your favorite toy! It is a different bouncer cause daddy and I just couldn't see her using yours but even with it not being the same she still looked so much like you. It reminded me of how much fun you had in it. I am so glad I didn't wait to put you in it like I thought I should. You spent hours in there and it brought so much joy and giggles...things I will never forget.

I am so glad that somehow I am finding a way to at least smile now when I think of you. For so long just thinking of you made me sad. I still cry every time I think of you but now sometimes it is happy tears. Often I just thank God for letting me be your mommy and for having you for as long as I did and to get to know your personality. We had a special connection and you taught me so many things that I never would have learned had you not come into my life. I love you so much and always will! Sending you hugs and kisses to heaven from mommy!