I can't tell you how very happy I am that God is in charge. Today I stood in the shower during my quiet time thinking of how I never would have been able to choose any of my children to return to heaven if given the option. After much thought I began to think of how grateful I am that God is in charge and not me. My boys are so close to one another and loosing one of their counterparts would have been even more devastating than loosing George.
Looking back on all the trials in my life I am now grateful for them all. They have made me the person I am. Without these things I would not be where I am. I'm thankful Hugh was laid off because he was here to spend time with George something I can not put a price tag on. I thank him for my first divorce for I will not be with Hugh and know the true love that we have for one another. The boys and their disease is a constant struggle but without it I never would be assertive and know as much as I do medically. I used to be so withdrawn and unconfident but now I am far from that. Every single trial has been something that has strengthened me and among all the bad, the good somehow outweighs the bad. In it all that is what I try to focus on, knowing how hard it was and how I questioned it all when it was happening but now understand. These are the things I try to keep in mind during difficult trials.
I am also grateful that he is our judge, and not others around us. Last night I stood there in utter disbelief as two of the people I consider close to me began to joke about people on welfare. We had been talking about the cat we just rescued and how the shelter makes sure they are spayed/neutered before they are sent home along with vaccines. With that one of them made a comment about how those on welfare should have to go through the same thing if they want services. I just stood there as they both started to laugh and joke while inside I was dying knowing right now we are on welfare getting assistance for food.
People in general do not realize how judgmental they can be even when they think they aren't. I would have to say that includes me, even though I try all the time to not be that way. Knowing how much it hurts to be judged by others, I don't want to inflict that sort of shame and upset onto someone else. I know that unless I have walked their shoes that I don't really get it. Yes there are people out there who take advantage of things like the welfare system but there are others who are out there working as hard as they can that are being judged just because they are in an unfortunate situation by no fault of their own.
My husband has always taken whatever job comes his way with no arguments(unless it had to do with heights because he is afraid of them, or something that would endanger his health.) Right now he is working as a tow truck driver. It doesn't seem like a glamorous job and by far it isn't but how many people are happy to see these people when they show up after their car has broken down? He has no holidays off and has to work a terrible shift for only $12 an hour. In the pouring rain and thunder, he is out there getting soaked to the bone just to make some sort of a living due to our economy. His life is put in danger as he stands on the side of a highway changing someones tire or putting their car on his bed. The truck he drives is a piece of junk where the emergency break has slipped several times and he has used his own body to stop the car from smashing into another vehicle. He gets no sick days and benefits are slim to none.
We have never been fortunate enough to have been in a position that we are well off or don't have to struggle. Life happens to us and always has. We have each worked hard and still only just have scraped by. In all of it though we have kept our heads high and pushed through the extremely tough stuff. Yes we have had to receive but we have also given in ways that we are capable of doing so. It may not be financially, but it is always from the heart and without strings attached. We will pitch in whenever needed and would give our very last penny to help someone else out in need.
It is the general narrow mindedness of people that make it hard for so many to pull themselves from these bad situations. They beat themselves up enough for everyone and agonize of their life circumstances, they don't need to be reminded on a constant basis. I am so glad that God sees us as we are and not for where we are in life. Where would we be if Mary and Joseph said that they weren't ready for a baby or that they were not financially stable or it just wasn't the right time. I am sure they carried their own set of ridicule as did many in the bible, as those around them did not understand God's calling in their lives. It is so very hard to hear judgment from those around us and yet keep pushing through it all to continue to what we were called to do. I do however know when I stand there on my judgment day that it will be God and not those here who will judge me and for that I am so grateful.
With Easter this week and it being holy week, I have done much thought about the true sacrifice of all those involved. It made me think of my relationship with God. Can I say that I love him unconditionally and that I love him as much as I do anyone else and more? For me that is such a hard answer because I love him in a different manner than anyone else. There are so many sides of him and his presence in my life that love like that is just so hard to fathom and wrap my head around. I'm so use to the love from Earth and all that comes with that and it is nothing like the love that we have for God or that he has for us. All in all I am so grateful that he is in charge and I am thankful that I am able to put my faith in him and I am so thankful for all he sees past in all of us as humans...his love is so sustaining when the rest of the world seems out of sink and unable to be understood.
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