What would I give to hold you again? No one could ever imagine what I would give to be able to hold you again in my arms. Every single time I think of it, I am brought back to that dream after you died. I know it was God's gift to me and allow me to have that moment with you even if it was only in a dream. It was so real, I wish I could have recorded it but in a way I did in my mind. Nothing could ever explain the feelings I had in that dream. I know you were really there tucked under my chin where you belong for a few more brief moments.
In some ways, my heart aches just to remember that dream and then part of me is so grateful for that moment in my dreams when I got to say my goodbye to you. I remember praying to God and asking him why he didn't allow me to say goodbye to you but I knew it just wasn't possible...there is no good way to loose your child but when you aren't prepared for it, there are definitely a certain longing that you are left with. I hold your sister and all I can think about is what it was like to hold you and how much I would give to do that again. That dream was God's way of letting me say goodbye to you and hold you one more time. As you were there in my arms, I knew you had died, and than God turned to me and after my time was over, I could have stayed there forever, he turned and took you and my dream was over.
Every part of me wants to hold you again...I miss you so much!
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