Today we went to a birthday party for a friend of mine's children. She has 4 girls and 1 boy and I have the 4 boys and 1 girl. We were usually pregnant at the same time. My mom happens to be best friends with her grandmother and we have become friends through the two of them. Together our families make their own party. It was at the place called My Gym. I had never been there but it is a wonderful place to go to give your kids a place to let off some steam. This was one of the best parties for the kids and they had such a blast playing with all the kids and running around.
She found out that she was pregnant when George was a little guy. They actually brought their girls over to see him and see how they would handle a little baby when he was only a few days old. At her son's first birthday she honored George's memory by having a monkey balloon there and making cupcakes with monkey wrapping on the bottom. It was so meaningful to me since we never got to even celebrate George's birthday with him. If there is anyone who George impacted the most I would have to say it was probably her. She was also the one person that has remembered the big dates of George's and done something special for me during it. It really meant so much to me because often times she was one of the only ones who cared and went out of their way to do something special to try and help our family cope with his loss.
We got to the party and the boys took off on their own. Hugh and I settled in with Gabrielle. They started to do some party games with all the kids. Somewhere mixed in all of that my mind wandered to George and wishing he was there. I saw this woman's son running around and it made me think of the day they came to see him and she was just starting her pregnancy with this little boy who was now running around. For whatever reason I could not stop staring at him and thinking that George would be doing all the stuff the little boy was doing and more. When I think of George I only see this 4 and a half month little baby,not a little boy running around like this boy was. I then sat there with a heavy heart thinking how unfair it was for us to not have him and how badly I wanted him here doing the stuff this little boy was doing. I guess in my mind, he will forever be a baby and I will always wonder what he would have looked like when I see kids that are the age he should be. Even when I see other mom's who have not lost their children, part of me yearns to be like them...I remember being them...now I am forever different and will never have that back again and I think today was the first time I actually realized that.
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