6 Weeks

It has been six weeks since George left this Earth. We have been on a roller coaster from the very beginning that has had its high points and low points. I've come to hate Friday's but I have been trying to think of a better way to handle them. I cannot change the fact that my son is dead but I can change how I look at it. Friday's are particularly difficult so I have really been trying hard to find a better way to cope with them.

My younger sister text messaged me this morning saying how she wishes she could wipe Friday from the calendar and boy do I know that feeling. Then I thought about it. Although I am sad that I lost him that day, I guess I can try to look at it as a day of celebration. It was the day that my son got eternal life and that he met the Lord. I don't know how I could be sad about that other then the fact that I miss him. The fact has ran over and over in my head over the past few weeks also that we celebrate Jesus' death on a Friday also, Good Friday. This year, that day will have all new meaning to me.

There is a beautiful song that is sang by Brad Paisley and Sarah Evans. The song is titled New again and it was used in George's photo montage. I've always had a love for this song from the moment I heard it. It is Jesus and his mother having this conversation. She is sad and he is comforting her as he is dying and telling her to not me sad. He tells her things must me that way and that it will all be new again. The very thought of that is so powerful to me and the meaning of the song has hit home very close lately.

This morning I did get up with an odd urge to look some things up. I don't know what made me do it because I have not looked at stuff in a while, in reguard to the kids medical records otehr then last week just to count the days of their birth and first symptoms. Today I got up and had a need to look at thier shot records. Knowing that Josh and George were the same age to the day when they had their issues, it made me ponder what was similar in that timefram for the two of them.

The one thing that came to mind happened to be their vaccines. For a long time there has been much controversy over vaccines and causes of many disorders and problems children have. I've always been one to vaccinate my kids but have known that they are predisposed to have issues. Little did I realize that it could have been the very thing that caused thier problems to come to fruition. Some people are just hereditarily predisposed to have problems with them. With Richard still coming back without any issues through the mouth swab, it has made me wonder where in the world the problem lies.

To make a long story short, both George and Josh were 17 days from having their vaccine. It was one in particular DPT. This vaccine has been linked to severe neurological issues and even death. It is actually the pertusus in it and it is only 50-90% effective even if you do get it. I have read the iterature on it many times since I use to work in a peds office but never has it occured to me until now that it could have attributed to the boys medical problems. I remember Michael getting his and how he could not walk for almost a week after getting it. It can cause seizures and all sorts of other problems, even breathing(always a huge concern for me with George)! My documents are reliable and there is just way to much coincidence for there not to be a common link here somewhere.

There was a family who was gaining national recognition a few years back about vaccine damage. The father was a doctor and they had given their daughter her vaccines and she had a horrible reaction and had also been diagnosed with Mitochondrial dysfunction. There has been a lot of controversy over this but also has been the backbone of research and hereditary predisposition for those getting vaccines. It is something that I will look further into and consider should we have another child. There is a lot to be said in this reguard but there is more for me to look into as time goes on. I guess right now I am just in limbo and have to get his autopsy results still.