Missing You

My heart is broken,
My arms ache,
Somtimes I wonder how much more can I take.

You were my child,
My life, my love,
It is so hard to think you are now watching from above.

I pray to god
And ask for his strength
for how long will I be without you...only he knows the length.

Little monkey of mine,
I think of you every second.
I wait for my day when I am beckoned.

For now I will have to stay here,
I still have a job to do,
But I can't wait for the moment when once again I can hold you.

I actually wrote this poem myself. For anyone who knows me, this sort of thing does not normally come easy. Tonight I emailed another mom going through a tough time after the loss of her daughter. My God I know her pain and truly understand how she is feeling. The past few days have just been so hard. With everything leading up to Mother's Day and the fact that he would have been 8 months old that day, I have just had a very hard time emotionally. I miss him so much right now, dispite my best efforts to keep busy or do something. The simplest thing just makes me cry...even talking about him makes me want to cry sometimes...not because I am sad for him but rather for myself.

Today we began the tedious job of putting rocks in his garden. The little boys were so eager to help Hugh and I. They are so smart and want to work hard to make their little brother's garden beautiful. Josh and Michael each began taking rocks back themseves even if it was only one at a time! Josh finally got smart and I just laughed so hard as I watched him put them all in his plastic shopping cart. He just amazes me sometimes...he is so smart! I took pictures that I will upload tomorrow. It was just so precious. His garden is being made with so much love. I know it is going to be perfect when we are all done.

My sweet little angel monkey I miss you with every single fiber of my being.