Just Miss You So Much

I'm sitting here looking at your picture missing you so bad. So many weeks ago you left me and my life has never been the same. I look at your picture and wonder how in the world I am suppose to live my life without you in it knowing how heavy my heart is. I know I don't have a choice but to keep going but I can't tell you how difficult this is to do every single day. Life will forever be missing something...you. Tears stream down my face as I sit here without you in my arms wishing I could somehow bring you back to me. I know it is selfish since I know you are in a wonderful place but God I want you back!

So many people tell me that time will fix this horrible feeling I have every single day but I cannot even fathom that at all. Time has just made me miss you even more. I guess all those who keep saying that have never lsot a child. It still amazes me how you were here for just a short time and I am so distrought over loosing you. There are people in my life I have known forever and know that although I would be terribly sad if they left too, it would never compare to the loss I feel every single day over you. It may sound bad to so many people but I don't ever expect them to understand. This is just such a sad, lonely, difficult thing to have to live through.

Life is going forward and we are finding ways to still keep your memory alive within ourselves since you cannot be here. I did the in service at the hospital. Unfortunately, there were only a few people there but I think every single person is one more who is educated and could save more lives. I left packets with them and even gave one to my doctor today. It helps me feel like your death had some meaning to it and I hope that you are proud of me. There really are some good things coming from it all, and I am sure that you know that.

Things have been hard for us all these past few weeks but especially for Daddy. He misses you so very much. This has been such a hard year for him loosing his daddy and then loosing part of himself when you went to heaven. Sunday is Father's Day and is going to be so hard for him...please watch over him and stay with him. We also had the Dr. that diagnosed your brothers and you with Mito, look at his labs and he feels daddy has it too. I had thought that when I looked at the labs and learned more about his family history but of course I am not a doctor and wanted an oppinion from the doctor we trust the most. I know it was so hard for him to get that information dispite the fact I think we felt that for quite some time. We don't know if I happen to carry this too but no matter the case I know it is always hard to hear and also think that you gave this to your child. It really doesn't matter in the long run because we love you all and would still have you and still plan to have more kids dispite a diagnosis. We cannot live life in fear and refuse to let the bad things get the best of us. God has so much more in store for us.

I know you are ok and in good hands but I miss you more then words can ever say. Please keep watching over us all, I know that is a big request for such a small boy but I know God will help you with that. You are always in our hearts so we know you are always with us helping us through this with God's guidance and help. Know that we think of you every single day and love you so much!