I have been thinking about my little boy all day. Of course this comes with the territory of Fridays. These are the hardest days of the week for me even though I try hard to not make them that way. About a week or so ago, Hugh had ordered something for me. Today it came in. I opened it and just cried. It was a precious moment. I love them and this one was just for someone who looses a child.
When my old friend's son died I remember going out to the store and buying one for her. I always said that if my child had died, I had hoped that someone would think of me enough to get me something special like that. I've always been the kind of person that thinks to do things for people that I would want done for me in the situations. It is not that I ever expect anything in return or that others would do this for me, I know how I would want to be treated so I try to do that for others.
The last few weeks have just been so hard for whatever reason. Getting that today just made my day and let me know that no matter what else happens Hugh knows me that well and knows how hard this is for me just as I know it is for him. So many weeks have gone by but it seems just like yesterday. I miss him more every single day and can't belive that he really is gone at times. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of him. I always thought it was odd that I would see women who had to be in their 70's or 80's and lost a child years ago and were still upset about it. Never did I understand how that was possible until the day George went to heaven.
Love moves on with or without you participating so in many ways you are better off jumping in and moving with it but that is much easier said then done sometimes. Today I went for an interview at a part time job out in Yardly PA. It looks promissing and would be a way for me to get out of the house and work with people again which I truly miss. If it is meant to be it will and if not I am not worried about it. Faith is the hardest thing to have sometimes but I surely learned that sometimes that is all we have.
Today a father who lost his son 5 years ago posted this bible passage "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John12:24 It realy made me think. So many people never even met my little monkey or got to love him and know who he was. We had very few visitors and many people were just annoyed we had another child. Hugh and I didn't care because we loved him no matter what and we knew there was something special with him. Little did we know he would be meeting the Lord before we ever will. Once he died, he began to change lives. Every single day I find another person who is touched by his story and our family. I try to make him proud and keep his memory alive in all that I do but it was just his very being or well, not being that changed the world.
It made me think about Jesus...had he not died the way he did and just died of old age, would it have been as great a tradgedy and would he have changed as many lives? Unfortunately, sometimes death is the only thing that awakens a person's soul and desire to seek faith yet it is amazing how it all just stemed from one person and the seeds they planted after they died. So many good things can come from death dispite the sadness that death can bring. I hope that you think about what this particular passage means to you and how it applies to your own feelings and life. Sometimes just taking the time to read and think about a one liner can really change your very thought process for the good. Jesus still lives on in the hearts of others so I know that George can do the same for us and those who's lives his death has touched.
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