I had my surgery yesterday. It was delayed start since there was an emergency surgery that came in before me. Hugh went home with Gabrielle and they called him when I was out of surgery. My poor body shook terribly once I was in the recovery room. I had some wonderful nurses and they were quite compassionate about the things I have been through in my life and most stood there in utter disbelief whenever we kind of got on the subject. Somehow it always comes up since they ask you how many children you have and I say 5 but one is in heaven...I just can't leave him out, it feels as if I am betraying him.
One of the nurses told me that she was destine to meet me yesterday. She said how my story touched her heart and that God had put her in my room that day for many reasons. I told her that everything in life happens for a reason, even the bad stuff and that even good comes from bad. It really was a good experience if you can have one going in for surgery.
The doctor was able to do it laproscopicly thankfully. I came home and was still woozy but made it through the rest of the day. This morning I woke up to feel aches and pain everywhere. It felt as if I had ran a marathon without training for it. All of my joints hurt, especially my jaw, shoulders, and pelvis. Even now, I can barely hold my own weight when walking. Thankfully my mom took Gabrielle and Michael because I have no idea how I would pull it off without dropping Gabrielle or triping over Michael.
Gabrielle is so fussy, I think she is getting her teeth or food is just not agreeing with her again. I had Hugh take her yesterday to the doctors to have her ears checked...I'm so paranoid with the ear infection thing since George had one when he died and I didn't even know it. My kids don't tend to run fevers or show symptoms other than grabbing their ears. Gabrielle has been finding all her body parts but I did not want to take a chance when she started to play with her ears. She is still quite congested and has been for almost two months now. That really bothers me and I had Hugh take her off of applesauce and just give her rice cereal in hopes to figure out what is going on with her. If this is her teething, we are truly in for it and she better hurry and get them.
Hugh did take off yesterday thankfully but he is back to work today. I really hate this job he has and he is not thrilled with it either. The kids are having a hard time adjusting to the hours and so am I. It pays money but I think he can make the same somewhere else since it is not much that he is making now anyway. The hardest part is getting him out of his comfort zone to go do it. He has such a lousy self esteem and really doesn't know what he wants to do since he has always just taken whatever is available and made more money due to our life circumstances. I keep praying that God will speak to his heart and lead him in the right direction where all of this is concerned.
Yesterday was sort of a difficult day for me for many reasons. George was not leaving my mind. I was in the same hospital that he was pronounced dead it. Thankfully I was not in the ER and I have avoided going to the ER just because it just brings such bad memories with it. We have actually driven about 45mins away to take the boys when they needed to go after he died. I just kept wondering what it was like for him, even though I know he didn't know or feel anything since he was already dead. For some reason I just feel as if he was all alone on a gurney with a white sheet over his little body and the very thought of that brings tears to my eyes. It was so hard to walk away that day...I wanted to just stay with him and not leave him at all but I had no choice in the matter. Being in the hospital just brought all those memories flooding back for me and it was so hard to be sitting there and try to stay focused on what I was there for.
Please keep me in your prayers as I recover since this is truly one of the most difficult surgeries I have ever had and that is saying a lot. I've had quite a few and tolerated them all well, this one I feel so drained with. Standing is almost impossible right now and my life just doesn't allow that sort of thing.
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