These past two days have really been full of moments where I have been remembering George. Gabrielle has been very fussy since she has hand foot mouth virus and is also teething. She has been very clingy. Hugh was working late the other night and my mom and I were both taking turns trying to get her to stop crying. I got her to calm down and she laid her head on my chest just like George used to do...she tucked herself right under my neck where he used to lay his beautiful head. Gabby is usually one to put her head on your shoulder, but George loved being tucked under my chin. With that, the tears just rolled down my face.
I've had several moments like this throughout the last few days. My mom and I were talking about a picture of him and how in this pic he looks so different. You could see his personality in it. He was so happy and smiling. I remember the picture being from his very first smile. He would only smile for me and poor Hugh was kind of upset but took pictures. I can remember moments vividly like his first smile and of course that brought tears to my eyes. So often I am reminded of how much I miss him. I'm still at peace with his death but that doesn't take away the pain left here by his death. I know it may seem odd or you may not be able to understand that but I don't know any other way to explain it to anyone.
I have just been taken back by how much he has been on my mind lately. The whole holiday thing is probably the culprit along with his death date coming up. He will be gone for 2 years and just looking at that time lapse is painful. It is so hard to think we have had to live life that long without him. I know that number will only grow and saddens me because that number is already well past the age he got to live. For me that is such a hard thing to see...he should have been able to live to the age of two but didn't even get to see 1 year. I think that may be why Gabby's first birthday means so much to me...it's like I finally get to celebrate that milestone. It has become a huge milestone for me and my family.
I do thank God for Gabrielle and all the joy she brings to our family. She isn't living life for George but it is like he shows through her and I know he is watching over her. My heart goes out to those who cannot have another child after loosing one if they want one. Today another angel mommy is going through a tubal reversal in hopes to have her own rainbow. These babies are so very special because they bring so much to a family. They are never had to replace their older sibling but because the family feels God's presence in their life to bring joy after all the pain. It is not easy to have a rainbow by any means no matter how hard it is to even get pregnant with them, it is no easy emotional road to raise them and yet as hard as it is, the joy they bring is a million times more than ever explainable. Please pray for this mom today and that God be with her as she goes through this.
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