Foundation

Today has been a very rough day emotionally. Hugh and I are doing spring cleaning since our church is having their rummage sale this coming weekend. Both of us know we cannot keep George's things forever. Together we have decided what we will keep of his and what we will donate to the church. We cannot sell it or just give it away to some charity we have no connection with for many emotional reasons. This is probably the hardest thing anyone will ever have to do in their lives. Before we chose to keep things, I prayed that God would be with us as we made these decisions because at no point will it be easy or a better time to do it.

My sister is having a baby and we have offered her some of his things including his crib and changing table. We do not expect anyone to take these things but would rather offer them to someone we know to use since they have so much meaning to us. Both of us have agreed that we have to both be able to get rid of or keep something or it doesn't happen either way. My sister is prayerfully contemplating if she can handle using his things and both Hugh and I are greatful for this but also understand if she cannot. We knew that using his things would be difficult for anyone if they knew that a baby who had earned their wings happend to use them first. There is just some sort of stigma with things coming from those who have gone on before us. I remember when a friend of ours gave us their car and told us that their daughter who had died had been brought home in it and it was the only ride that she ever took in it. For whatever reason it had more meaning to Hugh and I knowing this but then again we never knew the child personally but now understnad th meaning behind them not wanting to just get rid of it or give it to just some random person.

We are trying to begin our "new" life and doing all of this is sort of a way to start over. The whole process is very difficult and only those who have been down this road before truly understand the magnitude of this path and the decisions. No one could fathom this sort of path in life becase I know that I never could and prayed that I never would have to. Somewhere along the road God had chosen us for this path and I can say that we are not angry and not mad and understand that he knew we could walk the road without being robbed along the way of our faith.

I've sat here thinking of how my grandmother use to say that God closes a door and opens a window. In some ways I think that it is wrong. I kept thinking of the passage that we chose for the baby's service. It talked about going before us to prepare a home for us in heaven. That made me think of the actual physical structure of a house and I belive that our lives here are more like the foundation of a house. Each trail in life is more like a brick that we are given to build the foundation of our home. Here, there are all sorts of foundations and materials used to create them. Some will crack under pressure and yet others will stand strong all depending on the materials used and stress placed on them.

I believe that God his the contractor in our lives who has the plans for the house and knows what will be needed to hold the house he has in mind. None of us know what he has in store for us when we get to heaven and how grand of a home it will be. I would trust a contractor who builds homes for a living to make the decisions as to the type of foundation needed and we all need to do so with our eternal life. Just as the building process of a foundation is temporary and short, our lives here are the same and are preparing us for eternity or for the rest of our home. Holding that home is not going to be an easy task but God helps us to create our foundation so that once the home is built we can enjoy it to the fullest and not worry about the structure.

I thought about this difference because closing something just seemed so final and I know that my son is still here with me and so are all those who have gone on before me. Even though his life has ended his life still continues to build strength in so many people. God has given each of us a brick from the same lot number, George's lot, and we are each placing it in a different place that we need it in our lives to build our foundation. We are all creating our home to be able to live in God's kingdom. God knew that this struggle and this brick for our foundation would not crack under the pressure and that our faith would not waiver unlike others who may do that if presented with this challenge in their lives. I don't know if this perception makes sense to anyone else but God is building my foundation and George is preparing my home in heaven. Our road in life leads to that home and it is winding but never are we along because Christ is walking with us while God is the contractor completing our foundation.