Long Day

Today seemed like it was the longest day ever. It was such a busy and long day. I had a terrible night of sleep and tried to go back to sleep earlier in the morning. It just wasn't working so I just got up to start the day. Hugh went to help my dad finish putting up his privacy fence and took the boys to visit with my mom. I stayed home and began to clean up the house.

I started to clean and pick up and found myself going through the baby's stuff. There is a woman who has offered to take some of his things and turn them into a memory quilt. I decided it was time to go through his things and pick the items out that we wanted so that we could get them to her so she could begin to work on it. My god it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I began to look at all his things and cry knowing that most of it was either new or barely used. He had clothes that still had tags on them that we got him for Christmas. There were toys that he never played with. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.

I prayed before I started it all to be able to know what to send. It took me a while but I think that I finally have the things we want to send her other then George's monkey towel for Hugh since he always gave him his baths. We put in a few of his blankets, his first Thanksgiving and Christmas outfits, his Phillies shirt, and several other articles of clothing that had special sentiment like the outfit we brought him home in. I know that eventually we will have to find a new home for all of his things. That is probably the hardest thing...what do you do with your childs things after they die? I'm going to keep praying about that until I feel comfortable with whatever it is that we decide.

Ken, the boys old ped, came over to visit today. It was nice to see him. I am so releived to have some dates to call the nurse with from Virtua and will begin to collect materials for the in service. I'm amazed at how willing they are to learn about this and I am so glad that we can make a difference. It is not going to change the world but I feel one more person who is educated is one more step towards a cure someday. Ken talked to both Hugh and I for a while and is always a great support in so many ways. We are so lucky to have him in our lives as a friend and surogate family member.

Of course our life is never dull. While Ken was here, I was inside talking to him and Hugh was outside with the kids and Richard's dad. Soon Josh came running in the house telling me that Michael just puked all over the inside of the van. I had no idea waht he was talking about until Michael came straggling through the door covered in it anc crying. I could not figure why. At first I thought it was the chocolate ice cream not agreeing with his tummy, but I could nto get over the fact he smelled like flowers. I put him in the tub and kept asking Josh what they were doing.

We came to find out that he had actually drank the flid from the car airwick air freshner I had put in there weeks ago. That of course sent us on a frenzy. I was taking care of Michael while Hugh called poison control. Thankfully we didn't have to do much...he had already thrown up so we just had to get him to drink milk. I just wanted to cry and you could see in Hugh's face the stress all come crashing down on his shoulders. The past several weeks have just been pure hell and he has been holding it all together until them. His face just spoke volumes.

Ken could tell this and started to talk to him and he just kept saying he needs a break away without the kids. Right now we can't afford it but hopefully in the next week or so we can get away even if it is only for the weekend. He really needs a night away in the worst way. It isn't the same if we stay here. There will always be something here for us to feel like we need to do and just the general memories that come with being at home. Ken has always been concerned about us keeping an open relationship since he saw his fall appart before his eyes and it was too late before he realized it. He never wants to see us suffer that same fate. It was good to have him talk to Hugh since when I talk to him it sounds like I am nagging but in reality I just care.

My parents even stopped by today. That was a huge thing. My mom doen't usually go out unless it is to a store. A few times she has come over but usually for a party or something. You should have seen the look on the kids faces when she walked in the door. Josh just kept saying...you are at my house!!! Boy they were excited and of course he wanted to go home with her. My dad drove the car home and my mom followed Josh on his bike.

Joshua is getting so big. Over the past few weeks he has grown up so much. He now dresses himself from head to toe. He is working on toilet training and doing wonderful with it. Tonight he slept the night at my mom's house. It is as if he is becomign a big boy over night. Suddenly, the little boy that I carried is now growing up in the blink of an eye. Michael is doing the same but he is still little and has an immaturity about him for now. I'm still greatful that Michael is younger and loves to cuddle and has that need for us still. I sat and watched the movie the Princess and the Frog with him tonight.

When I was not dealing with insanity, I was looking up information on dogs. That sounds like a lot but I am considering looking into a service dog for the boys. They have ones that can detect issues with the person when no one else can, especially seizures. I was always against pets but after more research I think a dog would be such a good companion and helper for the boys. There is so much info out there and I have to keep researching it but I think we would just feel better knowing that we have an extra set of eyes and ears on the boys, especially after today!!!

We really don't want a big dog though and may even consider just a small dog as a companion for them. Michael is terrified of big dogs and animals although he loves little ones. I always avoided pets for the amount of work that is needed but I have this pressing feeling on my heart that this is the way to go with the kids right now. There has also been a lot of people with tourretts that see benefits of having a dog so this could be good for everyone. We will see where God leads us and if this is meant to be we will come across the right people.

Tomorrow we have church. Richard is serving again and will also serve next week. This time of year is very busy with our church. I'm very greatful for that due to many reasons. I hope that tomorrow is not as crazy as today was because I think we need an emotional break from drama but we cannot seem to get away from it!