Moved

Yesterday was Michael's 3rd birthday party. We had a good time seeing everyone on much better circumstances. It was our first family function without George. We did get to see some old family friends who we have not seen in years. Boy those were the good old days! I miss the innocence I had as a child for many reasons. It was nice to see the kids have that and no worries for a short amount of time. The loss of their brother has caused a lot of emotions in all of them so it was just nice to see their worries melt away and only be little kids.

Later on in the day my aunt came with her step daughter who has a little girl. She was pregnant when I was and her daughter is not much older then George was. It was very hard for me to see her and it was also very difficult for Hugh. Many family members asked us several times if we were ok and of course we just said yes dispite the fact we ached so much inside. Hugh had to leave at one point. It was hard to watch the boys be so excited to have a baby to play with and they each wanted to hold her and kiss her. It saddened me to know they never got to really do this with George. We stuck it out for the kids sake, you coulc tell they needed that so bad. As much as it hurt it was healing too. We knew at some point we would have to handle this sort of situation and at least it was in a safe environment where people understood. It was nice to get over that hurdle dispite the fact it took everything we had to not just cry or loose it.

Today we went to church. Richard served again this weekend. He has been very active since George died and will be even more this week coming up with all the things for holy week going on. The two of us had a nice conversation this afternoon and he is such a wonderful kid. We were talking about how broken all of our hearts are. He said that it was like we were each glasses and God came down and smashed us into pieces but is putting us back together with very slow drying glue. God is making us into a glass bowl rather then individual glasses. What an awsome way to think and undersanding of how hard this is. We will never be the same and it is going to take a long time to be whole again.

Church itself was extremely moving for me. It was Palm Sunday and they went over Christ's walk to the cross and his death. The very thought of it all and several passages just brought tears to my eyes. One of the men from our church was resonsible for the homily. He had asked me weeks ago if I was going to be at this service and I said yes. He wanted to let me know he was mentioning me in this part of the service. I don't think I was prepeared dispite the fact that I knew ahead of time.

He talked about the resurection and life afet death and many different perceptions on it. As he was getting to the point where he mentioned me, he began to tear up and could barely hold it together himself. He talked about how God had showed himself through me the day of the baby's service. He talked about how I had sang the lulaby to George and how moving it was and how God had let so many people into that place of faith and peace. He said that my faith was so strong and that God had proven his presence at that very moment. Tears just rolled off my cheeks as I listened to him talk about me.

Never did I realize how I myself had touched someone like that. The very thought that not only has God worked through my son but he was working through me too. George's loss has changed me forever but then it has also changed so many other people. The thought of being used in God's greater plan can be so overwhelming yet touching at the same time. I did not realize that so many people had been touched by something I felt that I needed and wanted to do for my little boy. When we passed peace, I hugged the gentleman and he just held me tight as we cried and he told me that I was an inspiration. Me? How could I do that? It is just part of who I am and I could not immaging doing anything less then what I have done. I have leaned on and still do lean on God in order to get through this all. That is why I have always lived by the Footprints in the Sand. No matter how alone I feel, I know that I am far from that.

The rest of this week is chalked full of tons of things at church. It is holy week. Hugh and I are singing on Good Friday. It is going to be hard to get through but it will be beautiful. The song is called New Again by Braid Paisley and Sarah Evans. It is Jesus and Mary singing to one another while he is on the cross. It is listed below on the music chart. If you have never heard it click on the song and take the time to listen to it this week. It has taken on new meaning since George died and so has the whole Easter season. This week has so much meaning behind it and realy is what faith is based on. Take a moment to think about what you believe and where it fits into your life. Is there something that you can do to let the light of Christ shine through you so that you too can move others to find their own faith?