Today seemed as if it was a day that would never end. There was just so much to do and a lot of running around for final things we need for the baby's service. By the end of the night I was surely maxed out physically and especially emotionally. I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be much of the same.
I was up again with another panic attack around the same time that Hugh came running with the baby two weeks ago. It is going ot take time for these to go away. I keep reliving the day over and over again in my head. I've gotten some medication to help with them for the time being.
My mom and I went to Costco to order the sandwich trays. I took the picture of the baby with us so I could go to one of the stores to get a mat for it. That was a fiasco. Joann Fabrics was my first stop but they had no one who could help until 3pm. We shot over to AC Moore. Thankfully they had someone working but boy she was such a chatter box! Nice lady and knew her stuff. It took us forever because of sizing issues and of course the macine they use broke so she had to finish it by hand. I wanted the mat for people to sign instead of a guest book. I also got a teddy bear that people can sign when coming in the church and don't plan to stay tillt he service is over. After the service his picture will be moved downstairs so people can sign the matting. It tured out beautiful dispite the fact we had to wait an hour.
We headed home and I went to grab things that needed to go to the church. Hugh ran to get the boys lunch when I got a call from the local detective. He wants me to come in and give him a taped events by recolection of what happened that day and night. I just busted out into tears because that is the very immage that replays over and over in my head an him just saying it made it even worse! It will have to be next week sometime and I am not looking forward to it.
Hugh and I dropped the boys off at my mom's and headed to the church to set up. It all seemes so sureal at times. We put the monkeys all over the church and his picture up front. It looked perfect! Of course it made me miss him even more and I sat there and cried. Hugh had his moments too. We went down to the parish hall and started to cover he tables. At first I was afraid I wouldn't have enough but it worked out perfect and the hall looks awsome. His picture boards are up there and lots of decorations.
We went back to my mom's once we were done, and I think I just had enough. I felt so drained from all the on the go and emotional stuff that the day brang with it. I know tomorrow is going to be just as bad, if not worse but I will do it for my baby.
We had two instances with the boys today taht made it hard. Josh had lifted up my shirt and asked me if I had another one in there because he missed Georgie. He told me to go back to the hospital and I can stay there and the doctors can take the baby out and then he will vist me until I can come home. Michael had his moment when he looked at the picture of George and told me don't worry he will come back later. If only that were true and it was that simple. It has just been a very long and draining day. I know tomorrow will be more of the same so please just keep us in your prayers.
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