Today was a long day from start to finish. Hugh and I were able to sit on the beddie with the little boys for a while before we had to begin our long and crazy emotional day. We dropped the boys off at my mom's for them to get ready over there and eat breakfast. I had to drop Hugh off at the church so he could let people in and get things set up. That left me some time here at home by myself.
I came in and turned on some of my music an sat in the babies room for a while. My heart aches so much and I miss him terribly. His room is loosing his smell and that saddens me. Soon enough the little things I cherish and miss the most will not exist and I will just be left with memories and pictures. I knew time was passing and I needed to get ready so I gathered myself and my thoughts and finished getting myself together. I also took 3 of the babies monkies from his room and put tee shirts on them with George's picture on them to give to the boys at the service.
I got to the church and met up with everyone who was coming in. Hugh and I both were greeted by many friends and family that we have not sceen in years. It was such a blessing to know all these peopel were there to support us through this difficult time. Some people stayed for the service and others came to pay their respects. When it came time for the service there was standing room only. The place was packed and it kind of felt as if everyone there was wrapping their arms around us giving us a hug.
We could not have asked for a better service. Hugh's brother Glenn played the music which was awsome and just perfect. My sister Tara read a beautiful poem she wrote for him, which I will post once I get a copy of it from her. Hugh did a reading and also sang Bass in the group that sang the special song I had requested to be done since I always sang the melody to George. As you looked aorund the church you saw monkeys everywhere. At the alter was the baby's urn with a Curios George wrapping its arms around him. I could not have asked for a better service. A friend of ours who had lost her daughter at a young age read one of the readings. I gave his eulogy and made it through without crying so that was a huge feat.
It was akward to sit there in the pew and look at my son's picture and urn knowing that this was the end of him here. From that moment forward I knew we had to officially find a new sort of normal. I'm not sure how we are going to do that at this point in time but I know it will come in time. The utter impact that it had on me was just something I cannot explain.
At the end of the service we processed out to the memorial garden where we placed some of his ashes. I did that and it was hard for me to do but I knew as his mommy I had to see him out of this earth since I brought him in. I knew him the longest and had this connection with him that I will forever miss. As we left the hall I put a rose on his little grave and kissed it. God how I wish it didn't have to be this way but I know I cannot change it.
The hall was beautiful. We got a chance to celebrate his life and all those milestons we will miss. There were balloons and kids and friends and family everywhere. The food was great and I can't thank all those who helped out in the kitchen and made food enough for their help. Everyone who helped make his service special will forever have a place in our hearts.
I have decided that a funeral is much like a wedding, in the fact that those who are hosting it never sit down! There is always someone to talk to or something to do. I did get a chance to sit down briefly but I was on my feet most of the time. The kids were having a blast the whole time though. I think that most people had a good time or at least as good of a time as you can have under the circumstances.
Hugh and I went back into the church to get the baby's urn. I knelt on the risers and just prayed to God to take care of my baby. He knows how much I hurt being away from George. With that I started to cry. The finality of it all just really hit me. My sweet little boy is gone and I am left with an urn of what use to be his little body. That was so hard to really accept but I know that I cannot change things and can only keep moving forward.
We all went back to my mom's and had a good time talking with family and friends. After a while we came back home to try and get some sleep and get the little boys in bed. Tomorrow is another day, hopefully I can finally get some sleep. It has been such a long and draining day on everyone. I hope to have pictures and my eulogy and my sister's poem up on here tomorrow. Thank you all for keeping us in your prayers. We will need them as we move forward seeking out where our next step will be on the path of life.
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